


Peering Through a Telescope

by Teleportation_Magic



Series: Lenses [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Clint and Laura Barton's Family, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Loki, Dramatic Loki (Marvel), Exasperated Laura, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, I barely know how to write fluff but this story is drowning in it help, Kinda Cracky at times, Odin is not a terrible person, POV Clint Barton, POV Loki (Marvel), Student Wanda, Teacher Loki, Technically Steve and Tony are in this, Telepathy, and, bits of, but not enough to count, domestic clint, exasperated natasha
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2020-05-16 08:13:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 35,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19314175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teleportation_Magic/pseuds/Teleportation_Magic
Summary: Loki doesn't want to be stuck in a cell, with nothing to do. Clint just wants the trickster out of his head.The Mind Stone enjoys messing with the both of them.(AKA Clint somehow gets another family member, Loki gets a whole new family and deals with his many and varied issues, Laura is the best, Natasha wants to throw someone through a wall, and Wanda would just like Loki to be a more normal teacher.)





	1. Chapter 1

Loki was silent when he was thrown into the cell.

The chains that bound him are torn off and Loki settled, eyes closed against the back of his cot. He heard the thuds of the guards as they left, and he felt the bed against his back, and he laid down.

He might as well get comfortable. This was his life. From now until he died. Truly, he wished Odin’s axe had fallen upon his neck – that would be easier than this. This half life, this pantomime, he wasn’t… he wanted it to be done. Done and over with. Either dead or alive, not... stuck waiting for it. 

Slowly, slowly he felt the affects of the cuffs wear off. The gradual return of magic to his fingers, the stifling power of the cell, he felt it reach inside and smother his magic.

Not all of it. Never all. But most. Enough that he knew he’d stand a fool’s chance of doing anything outside these walls.

Fun.

Hours later, his mind is spinning, falling back on itself, and he tries to keep his head above water. It’s almost funny that he would go mad with boredom of all things. The entire affair with Jotenheim wouldn’t do it, the fall between worlds wouldn’t do it, (Thanos wou-), and yet. Four walls.

Four Norns-damned walls would be what cast his sanity into freefall. How very ironic.

_I wonder what the Norns are._

Loki tensed. He was well trained enough, versed well enough in the art of mind manipulation (don’t think about it, shove it under) to know the thought was foreign.

_Please tell me I’m imagining things._ The voice said back.

_Who in the Nine Realms are you?_

_Dammit. I guess I’m just the unluckiest guy on the face of the planet right now._

Loki ignored the well of caution rising in his belly, and replied back _That is hardly a name._

There was a pause for a few seconds _You know what? I don’t think Imma tell you._

Loki sighed, before titling his head back and began erecting a mental shield. It had to be him. It always had to be him that dealt with this.

His magic was still slow, sluggish. He didn’t have his knives, his horns, they didn’t even give him some books.

_You deserve it._

Loki was not going to respond.

_Nice self control you got there._

Loki squeezed his palms against his eyes.

_Come on, don’t do that, you don’t wanna blind yourse- actually go right ahead. That’ll be nice. Threat well and truly eliminated._

_Why. Why are you torturing me like this?_

_Vengeance baby. You crawled inside my head, so now guess who’s messing in yours._

Loki focused. He focused on the shield that was right there, and slowly, slowly brought it up until his mind was covered. He allowed the silence to sit in the cell for a while longer.

* * *

 

Loki was bored.

Mind numbingly bored. He had started by painting the room with illusions, but something in it had soured over time, and well. He returned to staring outside his cell wall. Fun times.

Every now and then, a stray thought would break through – a woman’s staticky voice, white walls, a unoffensive male voice, and a blurry redhead.  He blocked it. He swore he would be uninterested in the beginning, but now, the boredom might break him. He wouldn’t look, he wouldn’t look, he wouldn’t look…

His resolve broke almost as soon as he gathered it. He sighed, before lifting the barrier. A stream of consciousness entered his mind again.

_No, Grant, you moron, if I was a traitor, I woulda run. And you wouldna found me. Ever._

_Who’s Grant._

Loki feels a twinge of something burn through the link. A man blossoms across an almost second pair of eyes, and he doesn’t know where it is coming from.

_Could you not right now? Call me back in twenty minutes, pick up after the tone, etc. etc._ The voice was hard, sarcastic.

_I have no clue what you mean._

_Of course, you wouldn’t._ He replied, disgust coating his tone _Aliens._

_You know who I am?_

_I heard your whinging earlier. About someone maybe in your head. Serves you right, really._

Loki thought for a minute. He placed the style of speaking, the anger, the brief images. The line about messing around in one’s head. The logo on the other man’s shirt.

_Barton._

_Got it in one. Now, leave._

_But you were rather averse to the idea earlier._ Loki answered, almost innocently _Why so recalcitrant now?_

_Cause I’m working. Yes Grant, I space out a bit. I had, have, a so-called god in my head. Please just shut up._

_Impatient much?_ Loki feels Barton trying desperately to ignore him. _Perhaps propose where he might stick his line of questioning. I’m sure that would pass splendidly._ Pause. _Come on, you could give me an answer. If you think about it carefully, I’m really doing you a favour. I could hardly be worse company than Mr. Grant here, though I’m certain you will disagree._

Silence again. Loki was just about to send another thought, before he felt a ripple across his. _I’ll strike you a deal. If you leave me be right now, I will be willing talk to you later. When I’m free._

_You presume I want your company._ Loki allows his mental voice to drawl.

_Am I wrong?_

Silence. _Fine._

_Great. Now gimme a few minutes._

Loki pulled the shield up.

 

* * *

 

Loki dropped the shield later.

_Why are you in a prison?_

He could hear Clint not-thinking. In fairness, he was not-thinking pretty well. Loki kept running into images of a white empty room.

_You made a deal. Don’t renege now, or when you need me to not be hanging out here, I will be._

Something rippled through Loki. He couldn’t quite make out what it was – anger, fear and hatred were adjacent, but he couldn’t quite pin It down _Well, when you mind whammied me, they had to make sure that I hadn’t turned traitor. Or was still under your control, or whatever they thought might have happened._

_Ah._ Loki wondered briefly if he should apologize. The thought flitted away almost as soon as it entered his mind.

_Thanks a ton for that by a way!_ He felt the tone harden to almost a point.

_Will you tell them that I am, indeed still in your head?_ Loki sat back, before coking his head to the side. The guards were still watching him suspiciously, as if he could do anything.

_D’you think I’m an idiot? Of course not._

Loki paused. He… didn’t understand. _Why not tell them? How else are you going to get me out?_

Clint send a wave of something – shock maybe, or confusion – and started more subdued. _Here we don’t know much about magic. There’s jack that they could do if they knew, and well. They’d have to end the risk. I wouldn’t… I would either have an accident, or Tasha would break me outta here, and we’d run. It wouldn’t be pretty, that’s for certain._

Loki paused. He turned over that fact, that the archer distrusted the agency he worked for, and tucked it away somewhere where he could reach for it later.

_Why don’t you tell someone?_

A stray thought rose up, and Loki crushed it. He carefully replied. _Just because you told me, doesn’t mean that I am under any obligation to tell you anything._

_Suit yourself. D’you know anyway of getting me out?_ There was a half second pause before he continued _Or yourself out. Or really, just stop this whole thing._

_No. This was done with the mind stone. I am… I have very little power next to that._

_Does that hurt to admit?_

Loki, very carefully, did not think in his direction.

_Fine, fine, dude. Do what you want._

Loki hesitated. _There might be a way._

_Well, then why didn’t you start with that?_

_It could take years to complete._ Loki keeps his tone blunt, and he feels Barton flinch.

_Well then,_ he says waspishly _Do it._

_You trust me._

_I want you out._ He can feel the irritation dancing down the link _I don’t care how you do it._

_Fine, fine. But it’ll be painful. And it won’t shut off immediately, rather it’ll slowly erode the bond until I can maybe snap it._

_Huh. Cool. Do it._

_Fine._ Loki couldn’t chant out loud. He wouldn’t let the guards tell Odin and Frigga about their insane not-son. Rather… maybe he could have an illusion say it? And if the illusion was far, far away…

He pushed. Clint screamed. His other self blinked owlishly for a few seconds, before casting the spell.

And then Loki decided to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the thing I promised. It's not totally done yet, but most of its finished, so I just gotta post them.


	2. Chapter 2

Clint couldn’t stop running his hands down his bow.

There were things that weren’t good, and then there’s the fact that there’s a homicidal alien in your head, and Clint did not want to deal with the latter. At all. He’d been blowing off Laura, he’d been so afraid Loki would find them, that something would happen.

“Laura, I have to tell you something.” His bowstring was taunt. That was good.

They’re sitting on a bench, not on the farm. Clint would not go to the farm. Laura was so, so confused. And hurt, a bit. Clint knew she’d be.

He didn’t want to tell her this. But he wouldn’t endanger them either.

_Who are “them”?_

_Please just let me focus._

“Is it about why you aren’t coming home?”

“Yeah… kinda. Mostly. It’s… complicated.”

Natasha stood behind him and rolled her eyes. Laura turned to him, and held his hands in hers “Well, whatever it is, lets cross it together. Please Clint. Coo- “Clint cuts her off and places a gentle hand on her mouth.

_Well, I suppose I have half a name._

Clint stayed bone-still, before saying “Y’know how Loki was in my head, right? With the scepter?”

Laura looks at him with a touch of disbelief “Yes Clint. Trust me. I am aware.”

_Coo is an idiotic name. Did a friend of yours take the bird motif a little far?_

“Well. It was more permanent than I led SHEILD to believe.”

Complete silence. Laura looked shocked, then terrified.

There was a soft footstep behind him, and cold steel touched the side of his head. “Explanation. Now.” He felt Natasha’s hand on his head, and a chill ran through him.

_She is surprising uptight._

Clint was a mature adult who could avoid the so-called god in his mind. “I can hear his voice in my head.”

“You can what.” Nat’s voice is cold, hard, reminding Clint of guns and knives.

_If she doesn’t believe you, mention that I called her a mewling quim._

_You are being surprisingly helpful._

_I’d hate to get predictable. That would be awful._

“He said something about an. Um. Mewling quim?” The butt of her gun digs a bit more firmly inside his head “Ouch Nat. That hurts.”

“Is there any way to fix this.” Laura has gone into disaster mode. Important information only.

“Well we could ask SHIELD but…”

The “but” was loud. Even Loki was silent for a moment.

“Dammit.”

“He said that he might be able to dissolve it after a few years though!”

Natasha looked ta him. Clint looked back “We’re trusting Loki.”

Clint just looked off into the distance. He could feel Laura’s hands trembling beside him. “Do you intend to hold a gun to my head for the rest of my time here? Or is this gonna be a lifetime thing?”

“Shut up, I’m trying to think.”

“I wager it’s a bit harder for me then you.”

There was silence for a moment.

“What’s he like?”

Clint goggles at Laura “You want to know what the wannabe dictator thinks like?”

Laura’s eyes are fixed away from him, and ouch. She looked at an abandoned swing set, before turning back to him “Call it curiosity.”

_Is she your wife?_

Clint thinks for a moment. “He’s kinda like an annoying kid in the backseat of your car. He asks dumb questions and is really dedicated to be as irritating a possible.” He pauses. “He wants to know if you’re my wife.“ Clint rolls his eyes. Unsurprising. Spending time with Laura necessitates a lot of eye rolling.

“And I suppose you’ve forgotten?” Laura answers dryly.

_I like her._

Clint rubbed his eyes for a moment. This was deeply, deeply disturbing.

“Clint? What’s it?”

“He says he likes you.”

Laura opens her mouth, before closing it. Natasha lets out a swear word, before she said, “Confirm your identity.”

“I mean, he theoretically has access to my entire brain. Dunno what I could tell you that’d make you believe I’m Clint.”

She tilted her head, before sighing and putting the gun back in its holster. Clint leans back into the bench and rests his head on the cold metal.

“Well, now that’s out of the way, I suppose you’re coming home?”

Clint stares at her. Natasha stares at her. Loki would probably be staring at her.

_No. I am not._

“You want the self professed God of Chaos to know where our homestead is?”

_I did not declare myself the God of Chaos. You mortal decided that._

_I wonder what you did to make them think that. I have absolutely no idea._

_Exactly. I only blew up one of their camps. Maybe a few more._ He agrees, radiating a peaceable aura.

Clint spoke up “He’s also needlessly sarcastic.”

“Will he be escaping Asgard anytime soon?”

_Yes. Obviously._

“He says yes. He likely means no.”

_Damn you Barton._

“Okay. What’s the harm?”

Natasha looks like she wants to shoot something. Clint settles a single begging eye on her, but the most she does is raise an eyebrow, before stalking off.

“Clint. Our children” Clint tries to put a hand on her mouth. She bats it away “need a father more. You cannot protect them like this, they’ll be hurt in the long run.”

_You have children?_

“But we can’t risk it.” Clint wants to beg her. “It’ll only be a few years. I’ll come back then.” He knows that when Laura is stuck on something, she is hard to convince, but seriously. This was… this was actually dangerous. He was carefully ignoring the thought of missing out his children’s childhoods.

“The odds are infinitesimal that he not only gets out but gets to earth.”

_Someone was irresponsible enough to give you children?_

And as ridiculous as it sounds, Clint has to agree. Laura has maybe a fifth of a point. Maybe a third.

A small flutter of hope is in his chest, beating its wings against his heart. “It’s still Loki.” He says, hesitatingly.

_I wouldn’t attack children. That’s just… petty._

_And you’d never be petty._ Clint snapped back.

Loki’s voice is mocking _Temper, temper._

“Not exactly something we can change. Besides, are you gonna spend your whole life worrying over him?”

Clint pauses. He sighs. Okay. She might have a full point. “Fine. But if he gets out, I’m still saying I told you so.”

“I’d hope our priorities would have shifted, at least slightly.”

Clint takes her hands before looking her in the eye “Never.”

She smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you guys think? I’m probably going to update Saturdays/Tuesdays, so yay for a schedule!  
> His chappie was more filler than I’m entirely comfortable with, but at the same time it was fun to write, so yeah! Action scene next Saturday, if everything goes as planned.


	3. Chapter 3

_Oh dear. This is going rather poorly._

_Shut up._

Clint hit the ground as bullets flew over his head. He rolled up to the side of a car and put his head down. Nat was up ahead, firing shots at the men who were streaming out of the building. Clint poked his head up for a minute, before firing off two arrows. Two of the backup cars exploded. He heard five pairs of footsteps, in front of him, and he put his gun up, before the butt of a holster hit him on his head.

 _Ouch._ Loki’s voice floated through his head.

_Shut. Up. Please._

Clint rolled out of the way, before touching his ears. His aids were broken. Dammit.

_Aids? What do you mean?_

Clint looked around, before rolling between the man’s legs and firing a shot straight through his chin. He fell, and Clint ran. He fired a single explosive through the hallway, but someone grabbed it and threw it back.

He was so done.

_And here ended the saga of the man who used a bow and arrow despite the fact that you could have taken a gun._

Clint jumped straight up and pulled himself through the vents. He heard saw the men run by, before they peered through the hallway. The goons in the hallway looked around, before turning to the tallest one. He looked down, and the man started speaking.

“He’s escaped. Golgo, Hartman, look” He turned around for a second “have run. Maltriese, head upstairs with” He blocked his mouth with his hand “and check the cameras. I’m staying here.”

_Would you, by chance, like any help?_

_Sarcastic commentary isn’t help, Loki._

_I’d like to think I could multitask._

Clint couldn’t move. The vent was too small on one end, and on the other, there was a fan blocking the way. Whoever made this place was good. He needed to distract the guard.

_I’m an illusionist. I make distractions._

_You are a distraction._

_I’m hurt Clint. Mortally so._

He looked around, before feeling a thud run through the building. He didn’t know how Nat was doing, and they wouldn’t be able to get backup quickly. Dammit.

_Fine. Fine, do what you want. Just please don’t be like “Hey! There’s an assassin in your vent.”_

_Thank you._

Clint felt a weird pull in him, before watching a duplicate of himself run across the hall. The man planted there ran after the illusion, while Clint opened the vent and sent him to dreamland with a hit from the side of his bow.

Right after the man went down, Loki-while-looking-like-Clint looked up Clint looked at his mouth, and saw the words forming.

“Hey. There’s an assassin in your vent.”

Clint rolled his eyes, before turning away from his look alike. It was creepy, seeing yourself speak. Loki-who-looked-like-Clint turned back to green dust.

_It’s so rare that I get to properly use my talents. This cell is so boring._

He snuck around the corridor, before tracing the path of the camera people (Emmy, person-with.) He shot quickly, two arrows embedding themselves in their skulls, and leapt to the side as one of their bullets grazed his uniform. The material was slightly singed.

_Safe though._

Clint looked through the files, there, before seeing one dated to two months ago.

Score.

He downloaded everything onto a USB, before standing back and blowing the entire console up. He ran back, before putting an arrow in the last two goons. Nat is creating an effective distraction, before he yells “Done! My aids are busted!”

He isn’t looking at her, so she doesn’t know what she’s saying, but well.

 _Wait. Do your aids give you the ability to hear? Are you deaf?_ Loki sounded incredulous.

Clint ducked under a desk. Gunfire echoed over his head. _Not. Now. Please._

_Fine._

They rush the front entrance, before disappearing into the night. Or at least Clint would like to think that.

_They probably have a tracker on your car._

_Shut up._

_No, thank you._

_You’re a grade A ninny, you know that?_

_Your proficiency with insults is astounding. Truly, my heart cannot take it._

_Shut up._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a bit of a shorter chapter. Hope you guys like it! This was me trying to, slowly, build some kind of connection between them, and I'd like to think I'd done a half decent job! Tell me your thoughts!


	4. Chapter 4

“I want to talk to him.”

Clint’s head snaps up. He looks at her, and his eyes spread slowly. “You want to talk to the megalomaniac?”

_I am not obsessed with my own power. I resent that term._

_You don’t have any power to be obsessed over. Doesn’t discount you._

“Maybe I’m curious.” Laura has her arms cross, a small smile playing across her lips. It’s nervous, twitchy. She’s folding the laundry, going quicker and quicker.

“I hate it when you say that.”

“Oh, come on.” She rolls her eyes, before finishing up the laundry. “He can’t be that bad. He likes the children.”

He did like the children. That was half of the problem. When he held Lila, the voice in his head had cooed (cooed! He hadn’t even thought Loki knew about the general concept, much less been able to exercise it). When he picked up Cooper from baseball, Loki let out a grin if the kid won. And when Coop was upset, he’d tell Clint what to say. And it wasn’t half bad advice. Clint was, of course, dutifully ignoring the time that Cooper mentioned a few kids in his class were bullying him, and Loki suggested that Clint disembowel them. Even Laura hadn’t known what to say.  

_I still stand by that._

_Of course you would._

So, yes. Loki did like the children.

“I still don’t get why you want to talk to him.”

Laura sat there. He sat there. They had a staring contest.

He blinked first. Dammit.

“Fine.”

_Oh, thank the Norns. No offence meant of course, but your company was getting trying._

_Trying. You think my company is trying? I’ll show you trying, Mr. can-I-please-use-my-illusion? I promise I won’t set anything on damn fire._

_That was one time._

_That was one time too many. I swear Loki, if the vase is even moved one inch to the left, I am never allowing you out again._

_Fine._ He’s like a sulky teenager, all moody and depresing. Clint swears he stalled at that developmental marking, and just. Never moved on. At all.

Green sparks rise out of Clint, and Loki materializes in front of his wife.

She puts her hand up, open and inviting him to shake it. Loki raises an eyebrow. She drops it before saying, “So, you’re Loki.” She puts the laundry away, before picking up a sleeping Lila from the couch.

“I am glad to make your acquaintance Mrs. Barton.” He’s dressed in his full regalia, the weird horns towering over his head, while he bows. It’s so mocking, it’s not even funny.

“I’m not overly glad to make yours, if I’m being honest.” Laura had one hand in her hair, and the other patting Lila’s back. Clint was relived that she was sleeping. “Um. Are you going to try to take over New York again?”

“I am currently in a cell. In Asgard. So decidedly not.” His voice is dry.

“Well, that’s lovely.” Laura starts staring at him, and he stares back. Clint wonders who’ll blink first.

Laura does. But she does it before she starts talking. “So why did you want to take over the world?”

Clint could feel Loki’s confusion, rising off him like smoke. “Because I wanted to.” Laura can’t hear the question mark, but Clint can. Oh man.

“Yes” she agreed “but why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you want to?” Her voice is patient. She sounds similar to the way she talks to her client, all slow and careful.

“Why are you asking?”

Loki stared at her. Laura stared back. Clint’s eyes flickered in between the both of ‘em. Loki kept staring, before he blinked and turned around, and turned back into green sparks.

_Your wife is insane._

_And you aren’t?_

_Mm. Fair point. That doesn’t mean I have to deal with other people’s insanity._

“Tell him he’s like a sulky teenager.” There is a slight smir on Laura’s face, and Clint knows that that was an absolute win.

“I did. He doesn’t know the word.”

_What is a teenager?_

A thought darted around Clint’s mind. He dismissed it before… no. It couldn’t be. Just to be safe… _Gimme two answers first._

_Fine._

_How old are you?_

_One thousand and_ _fifty-three._

_Huh. Old man._ He jibed. _How old is the average Asgardian?_

_Depends really. The lifespans have been growing in the past twenty thousand years, but most people live to be about five thousand, give or take a hundred years._

“Laura. If an average lifespan is about five thousand years old, and Lokes here is one thousand and fifty-three, how old is he? In human terms?”

“Proportionally?”

“Yeah?”

Laura was slowly grinning as well. She grabbed a calculator before running the numbers. She raised the calculator.

16.848

Clint cackled.

 He cackled over to the sofa. He cackled when he collapsed backwards. He cackled over Loki’s confused questions in his head.

“He’s a teenager. An actual teenager.” Clint’s speaking into the sofa now, but his sides hurt too much to stand up “The world’s best technology, all the world’s greatest superheroes, and they were barely enough to beat a teenager.”

_What is a teenager?_

Laura is looking outside the window, a half-disturbed expression on her face “I’m unsure whether that’s terrifying or hilarious.”

“Both.” Clint cackles “So much of both.”

Natasha walked in the room. She took one look at Clint. She tilted her head, before looking at Laura.

“Loki’s a teenager.” Laura informs her solemnly.

Natasha opens her mouth before, closing it, and walking out. Laura takes one look, before laughing too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! On the plus side, I got a job IRL. But its been sucking up a huge amount of time... so yeah. Hope you liked the chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

Loki leaned back.

Frigga stood in his cell, gold dress contrasting against the black wall. He didn’t want to talk to her. She insisted, of course she would, but he wanted her to leave. She shifted a tad, before calling out to him. “My son.”

Loki allowed his head to loll backwards, looking up at her. “Oh, am I now?”

She studied him. He wondered what she was seeing.

 _You’re being rude._ Clint mused somewhere inside of him.

_Enough Barton._

What right did that man have to comment?

His mother sighed, before settling on one of the chairs. “Is that what you think?”

Loki hardened his stare. “It’s what I know.”

She looked at him “Loki.”

“I do not know why you are here.” Loki dismissed her and looked around the cell. “Trying to break up my boredom?” He gives her a smirk.

She studied him, and Loki couldn’t help looking at her “Do you really think that I’d never see you again for the rest of eternity?”

“I’d hoped for it, certainly.” Loki rolled his eyes, before studying the grain of the bookshelves. It was very well made. The dark oak accentuated the gold of the cell quite nicely.

Frigga’s lips pursed, before she waited. Loki ignored her, until he finally dragged his glare back to her “Loki, the guards have informed me that you spend… peculiar amounts of time staring off into the distance.”

He smirked. Let her take of that what she would. Clint was abnormally silent “Do I now.”

She kept her hands clasped “I wanted to ask you if there was anything concerning.” Her stare was steady and unfaltering, and Loki _chafed_ under it.

“Well, thank you for your visit, Your Majesty, but no.” He drawled.

 _Yes!_ Lovely. Clint was speaking up. _Yes, there is, tell her!_

 _I’m not telling her anything._ Loki said. It was definite. And none of his business.

_So, you’re gonna keep me in your head just because you don’t wanna tell her anything?_

_Don’t, Barton._

“Loki, please.”

Loki made his eyebrows come together and tilted his head slightly to the side. “Please what?”

Frigga closed her eyes, before looking at him and speaking “I’m worried Loki.”

“Well,” He said, “I’m glad to relieve you of those. Worries, I mean.”

She seemed to take a second to gather herself, before ordering her words out, neatly and orderly “Loki, after your fall through the void I am concerned that your mind is not wholly… there.”

Loki felt his face go blank. He ignored Clint’s _Wait, what void? Wait the void is space? You fell through space? And you’re alive?_ And replied “Well, isn’t that a new development?”

“Loki-”

“I’m curious, do Thor and Odin share your concerns?”

She started again “Loki-”

“After all, if our King and Prince say nothing is amiss, when then, how could there possibly be anything wrong?”

“Loki!”

He stopped.

“Your father is-”

“I told you” he hissed “he isn’t my father.”

He glared at her, before stepping forward and intercepting the illusion. She sighed, before looking at him “Your father does not want you dead. Neither your brother. Please be more mindful.” She slowly faded away, and Loki settled himself on the bed, before laying himself back.

_So, wait, who is she._

Loki grinded his teeth, before responding _The queen._

_Of?_

_Asgard._ He feels that that should be obvious. Evidently, it’s not.

_Awfully concerned bout you._

Loki didn’t want to respond. Clint seemed very unimpressed.

_Wonder why._

_It is not one of your affairs. Keep yourself out of them._ Loki was flexing his fingers under his blanket and hoping that the man would stop.

 _Just asking._ His tone was contemplative _She seems to know you well._

Loki aggressively didn’t respond.

_Your mum, right?_

_I don’t have a mother._ Loki was picking at the palm of his hand now.

_Then how’d you pop out?_

Loki amended himself _I never knew her._

_Then who raised you?_

Loki felt testy. _Asgard’s royal family._

_So, she’s your mother then?_

_No._ He snapped.

Clint paused _Is Thor your brother? He seems rather stuck up on the point._

Loki stiffened _Thor believes that he’s my brother._

_Why?_

_Because he is an idiot and a brute._ The guards are cautiously studying him. Loki smirked, before firing a blue bolt towards them. He looked on as the man tripped backwards to get away, before the illusion dispersed. A tiny bit of the tension that coiled in his stomach uncurled.

_Doesn’t answer the question._

_It really does._ He snaps back. Finally, Clint gives him a moment of blessed silence.

A few minutes later the annoying voice spoke up again. _So, you adopted?_

_I suppose you could call it that._

_Why wouldn’t you?_

_Do you ever quiet?_

_Nope._

There was silence for a second, before Clint spoke up again. _You didn’t answer the question._

 _I was taken._ Short. Curt. To the point. Loki felt on edge. He didn’t want to answer. He felt dizzy, like he had stood up too quickly, and he was unaccustomed to the rocky ground he was standing on.

 _No formal adoption process on Asgard?_ Loki couldn’t help a small snicker. The guards stared at him like he was crazy.

_No. Well, not for me. Most orphans are put in an orphanage, where they stay until a family is found._

_And if a family isn’t found?_ There was something quietly sad in his voice.

_Then they grow up there, I suppose._

_And that wasn’t the process for you?_

_It didn’t apply._ Loki made his voice hard, dry, sarcastic.

 _Why not?_ Loki could just imagine Clint tilting his head to the side, eyes fixated on him.

_Does there have to be a why? It just didn’t._

_Okay. So what exceptions are there in the Asgardian application process_

Loki felt something squeezing his throat, his neck, his mind _That is absolutely none of your business._

 _Loki._ Clint’s voice is soft and unyielding. Loki thinks he could crack his skull over it.

He shoves everything aside. _Would you like to know why?_ He’s curled up against the wall, shaking back and forth. _Don’t blame me for telling you._

Loki lets everything bleed over – he lets him know everything. _I am a monster._ Loki said. _And there is nothing you could do to change that._

Clint was there (he wasn’t). He was solid, comfortable, dependable (nothing is constant, run, run, run). _Loki, it’s fine._ Clint is trying to trick him, but Loki will not be fooled.

Loki couldn’t breathe. _We’re not talking about this._

_You sure?_

_Certain._ He’d be happy to never think about it again. Clint was silent for a moment, before lapsing into a far more jovial tone.

_Alrighty then. So, let me tell you this story about how I met the second most wonderful women ever._

_Second?_

_Mhm. Laura has the first spot. Anyways, spot number two. Oh yes, so we were on the streets of Budapest when I got into a firefight with one of the scariest assassins in all of SHEILD history._

Loki lays against the side of the cell as Clint goes on and on about Romanov. He clings to that, the feeling there – of something constant, never changing.

He forgets – for just a moment – that he’s always alone.

* * *

 

 

 

Clint didn’t tell Loki, but sometimes, when they slept, memories would just… seep through.

The first time, he saw a tall purple man, standing there, saying “There is no place where-” before he abruptly hit his metaphorical head against Loki’s mental barrier. It had _hurt._

Another time, there were a pair of hands against his back, as knives scraped past him. Clint calmed down, but behind it, there was a current of pure panic. Panic that wasn’t his, SHEILD taught them about torture, and he knew that wasn’t his reaction.

Last night, he dreamt of a woman – a bright blue woman – shoving a gag into his mouth and felt himself scream as nail scraped against the soles of his feet. He heard her speak “How dare you defy Thanos, you wo-” before Loki’s barriers slammed shut. He woke up panting and a look at a sleeping Laura next to him helped him slow his beating heart.

Clint was a spy, and assassin, and he’d been doing this for a long, long time. He might not like where this was leading, but he knew. He could the pieces together. And if was right, then that would mean – that would mean that –

Dammit.

He waited. Loki didn’t know that he knew, so he’d just have to wait till he could talk to him.

It took Loki about fifteen minutes to pop back in. Clint is about halfway through breakfast by then, and Clint is trying not to cry. It’s barely working. Lila is being _nightmarish_ today.

 _So, how’s our favourite archer doing?_ Loki’s drawl has somehow become welcome.

 _Well enough, I suppose._ Clint tries to put a spoon in Lila’s mouth. She looks at him and pouts, before shutting her mouth. _Lila’s trying to eat, so there’s that._

 _You must be happy not to be wearing her food._ The snark washes over him, and Clint can’t help but smile. Lila looks owlishly at him, before clapping her hands and giggling.

 _Fun times._ Clint replied dryly _How you holding up?_

 _I’m in a cell._ Loki’s voice replies sardonically. _Nothing ever changes._

_Been sleeping well?_

Loki paused for a second. Clint was not so oblivious that he couldn’t tell that they were standing on the edge of a metaphorical cliff. _No. I am not discussing this._

 _Not now_ Clint agreed quietly _but soon._

 _No._ Loki is almost screaming it, but it is tempered.

 _Loki._ Clint tries to send a feeling of steadiness, but its swatted away. Lila makes a sound, and he resumes feeding her.

 _No. No, you would have condemned me, you did condemn me, no._ His thoughts scatter for a moment, before reforming, and man, Clint is worried _I will not. I refuse._

Clint interrupts him _Loki._ Loki barely even hears him, continuing to think and think and think.

_They didn’t even entertain the thought – that maybe there was more, that there was something else – they just accepted it. They didn’t bother – you wouldn’t have bothered –_

_I didn’t. And I’m sorry for that. I let my anger cloud my judgment._ Laura looks at him, and he signals her, and she takes the spoon. He collapses on the sofa.

 _You don’t get to say sorry now._ He’s sneering now, voice hard and rough _Everything doesn’t just go away now that you think that maybe something is different._

_Loki, don’t you see-_

_And everything I did; it was still me. I chose to, I chose to do what I did, and just because I’m softer now, doesn’t mean I’ll stay that way._

_Loki, Loki, I believe you, I believe that Thanos used you._ Clint lets himself be as gentle as possible, something stable and certain and unbreaking. It isn’t enough

Clint feels something fracture in his mind _Don’t mention his name!_

 _It’s not your fault. It’s not on you. Let it go Loki. Let it go, slowly._ Clint rocks a thought in between them, back and forth _Not a monster, just a boy, just a boy, just a boy._

 _I did it._ He’s shaking _I did it, it’s on me, he told me so, and no one believes me anyways –_

 _I believe you. Laura believes you. Don’t take too much, Loki. Let it go. You are not a monster._ And he breaks. There are tears, Clint knows, but he’s turned away from the guards anyway, and all they can hear through his illusion is silence.

He’s silent now, but behind that, there is a thought running through his head – _I will not show them, nobody can make me, I swear, I swear, I swear._

_If they see me cry, I’m going to murder you._

Clint laughed a little and he felt Loki laugh back. It sounded so broken, so tired. Loki reminded him so much of Nat sometimes, despite how different they were.

Dammit.

_You didn’t have a trial?_

_I riled Odin up._ There was a pause there _He didn’t take it well._ Clint swore he was gleeful, but there was an undercurrent there.

_So, they just shoved you away?_

_The king’s word is absolute._ Loki’s there is cheeriness there, but even to Clint, it strikes him as painfully fake. _His say is final._

 _Welp._ Clint says _I wonder what you can spend the time doing._

_Doing? What, precisely, is there to do?_

_Oh, I dunno._ Laura has to turn to Cooper for a second, and Clint gets himself off the couch. He tries to fly the spoon into Lila’s mouth with the plane tip he saw on TV. Unsurprisingly, it doesn’t work. _Maybe get better at your illusions._

_Better at my illusions? I’m one of the best illusionists in all of Asgard, and you wish for me to better myself?_

An idea struck Clint like lighting _You know how your illusions are light, right?_ He feels like bouncing around, he’s so excited _Well, if you make it bright enough, can’t it burn through someone’s eyes?_

Loki gave a very exasperated noise _Yes Clint, but the All-Father banned it._ There was a definite pause there. _Actually, that sounds like a great idea. And I can do something similar for sound too._ He mused _Make it so that it breaks anyone’s eardrums._

 _Attaboy._ Clint wonders if he’s made a monster. Eh. Not his problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire thing was originally longer, but I had to cut out so much...  
> Tell me if you liked it! Loki finally cracking open is so cathartic to write, primarily because he tries to be so composed all the time.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some really cute fluff. With a dash of humor.
> 
> AKA Loki meets the Barton children.

Loki gets bored very, very easily. And for all his faults, he likes the children. So, for once, the Norns conspire to make him enjoy a day in his captivity.

“I’ll wake you up if anything goes wrong.”

Loki, wearing a suit, is sitting in Clint’s living room. Well, not really. But Loki’s semi-ghost is sitting in his living room. And he’s going to babysit Cooper. While half of this was to have something to do, the other half of this was most definitely to anger either Natasha or Clint, and there was nothing they could do about it. Nothing at all.

“Why are you offering?”

Loki pauses, just long enough to let the silence permeate the air.

“I’m bored.”

Clint lets out an aggrieved sigh that turns rapidly into a yawn. “Your boredom will be the death of me.” Clint snaps back. Or attempted to snap. He isn’t very intimidating when he’s laying exhausted on the bed.

“Please.” Loki almost sniffs “I like the child.”

Clint looks like a man on the guillotine. He also looks like a man who hasn’t slept in four days. Loki remembers. He’s been counting.

_You’re still a child yourself._

  1. _Am. Not. A. Child._



“I promise nothing bad will happen.” Loki says with a saccharine smile on his face.

Clint’s eyes tiredly roll up to his “Because your promises are worth so much.”

“Honestly speaking,” Loki puts a bit of extra emphasis on those syllables “I have never broken my word.”

“Do you honestly speak. Is that something that you know how to do.” He attempts to add some bark to his words, but mid-statement he breaks into a yawn.

Loki tilts his head. “Fair enough. But let me lay down the facts for you.” He moves over the table, in front of Clint. “You have a mission tomorrow, and you haven’t slept in the last few days. There is no babysitter you can call, and Laura is more than nine hours away, even with the car.” At the mention of the vehicle, Loki feels his nose wrinkle. “And if you die, it will be very inconvenient. Therefore, sleep.”

Clint slumped even further into the sofa “I hate you.”

Loki grinned “I am, surprisingly, fine with that.”

Clint is still speaking “No, I really rea-l--l-” he’s wavering, eyes closing and opening. Loki knows he’ll win. He just has to wait.

Clint’s bleary eyes open for half a second “Don do anything stupid kay?” He collapses backward. Loki spares a moment for a grin, before marching to the other room.

“Hello.”

Cooper turns to him, eyes raised “Who are you?”

“My name is Loki. Your father needed a bit of rest, and I’ll be watching you two for a bit.”

There was a pause for a second while Cooper scrutinized him “M’kay. Do you wanna play with me?”

“What are you playing?”

“I like playing with Lego. Do you wanna play too Mister Loki?”

Loki gave the child a small grin “I’d love too. But I’m afraid that I can’t touch any of the pieces.”

Cooper blinked once, before turning to look at him again “You can’t? Why?”

Loki gave a gentle smile to the child “I’m an illusion.”

“An ill-us-ion?”

Loki raised his arm “Try touching me.”

Cooper’s fingers reached up, before going through his arm. The boy startled backwards, before turning up to look at him with a beaming smile on his face.

“Oh! Cool! So, you’re like, like, a ghost!”

Loki blinked “I’m not dead.”

“Well, yeah, but you’re not… I can’t touch you.”

“Ah. Well. I suppose.” Loki couldn’t help the small grin creeping across his face

“That’s okay. We can play hide-and-go-seek instead!”

He’d never heard of it “How do you play?”

The child looked up at him like he was a tad slow. Which was more then a tad insulting. “One person hides. Then the other person counts to ten, and then tries to find them.”

“Ah. Shall I try to find you first?”

“Yes! You gotta close your eyes so you don’t know where I’m going.”

“Alright then. One. Two.” Loki heard the child’s steps walking away. He waited for a bit, before the ten seconds were up, and he looked around.

Loki could walk through the walls. It’d make the game easier. On the other hand, he wanted to occupy the child, and well. Ending the game quickly would hardly be conducive to that. He stalked through the hallways. He asked out loud “Cooper, Cooper, where are you?” There was giggling coming from somewhere. He spent another few minutes trying to find the child – he could hear the boy, but he couldn’t make out where he was, and it was proving to be more irritating than it should have been. Sooner rather then later, he noticed the disjointed floorboard and when he went through them, he found the child hiding there.

“You found me Mister Loki!” The child was beaming “Let’s play it again! This time I’m the one who’s gonna be finding.” He turned around and started counting. Loki floated away, and he tucked himself into the attic. When the child found him, he’d had to grab a chair and drag it to the closet to be able to climb up. They switched back and forth a few more times, before the child got bored.

Hours later, Natasha walked into the room. She stopped abruptly before shooting Loki twice in the chest.

“That won’t work, Auntie Nat! Mister Loki’s an ill-u-sion!”

Natasha’s face went blank “Cooper. Where’s your daddy?”

“He’s sleeping. Mister Loki’s babysitting!”

Loki gave her a look of pure innocence. The skin around Natasha’s eye twitched.

“What are you doing here.”

“Cooper told you. Your partner needed the sleep, he nearly collapsed.” He paused for a second, just to enjoy the amount of not-moving she was doing “You need to take better care of him in the future.”

She shot him again. “Auntie! Look at the floor.”

There were three indents in the wood. Natasha closed her eyes, before replying “Your daddy will take care of them, Cooper.”

Clint ambled into the room. “Heard your voice Nat. Where we heading?”

“Where’s Laura?”

Clint looked up, eyes darting to Nat, then to Loki, before sighing. “She took Lila to their Mother’s place. Where are we going?”

“Why is Loki in your house?”

“Technically speaking, I’m not in his house.” Loki interjected. “But rather, a manifestation of a part of my energies is in the house.”

Clint pinched the top of his nose. “I needed a babysitter, and he offered.”

Natasha closed her eyes “We’re heading out.” She turned on her heel, before sauntering out the door.

Clint walked up, before stopping “Wait. Who’s taking care of Cooper?” Natasha stopped, and sighed.

Loki slowly smirked.

* * *

The next time it wasn’t Cooper. The next time, Clint was supposed to take care of Lila, but the exact same thing happened.

“We really need to stop ending up in this situation.” Loki said sternly to the exhausted figure on the floor.

Clint didn’t even bother to verbally respond. The floating _Leave me alone_ more than did the trick.

Nobody ever said Loki was a good listener.

Clint must have trusted him a little more after Coop, since this time he took ten minutes to convince rather then the earlier fifteen – a true accomplishment, Loki felt (Loki artfully ignored that Laura was coming back in an hour). But when he left, Lila in her cot, Loki came to a rather abrupt realization.

He couldn’t touch anything.

Norns.

Well, Laura was coming back soon. Surely, he could survive an hour?

She started crying. Norns above.

He looked at her. She did nothing. Useless twit. She was looking around, and Loki sighed.

Maybe – maybe he could distract her.

Her allowed red wisps to form at the edge of his fingers, wrapping around her wrist. She stopped, before giggling and trying to touch the thing. Loki smiled, and surrounded her with bright red flashing lights. She gaped and clapped her hands, while he made his show more and more elaborate. When Laura walked in, she gaped at the galaxy he had arranged for the little girl, and Cooper had promptly sat down and asked for the same demonstration. Laura sighed, before checking Lila.

Thankfully, she didn’t need anything physical. Thankfully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for happiness. Anyway, this chapter was just pure bliss to write. Recently I noticed that I have a really bad case of switching between present and past tense - so if that bothers you, please let me know! Thank you all for your kudos and comments - they really mean a lot!


	7. Chapter 7

It was odd, Loki decided, to feel a sword through your chest.

He fell on the ground, just as the cursed went up in a whirl of red.

 _Loki, stay awake. Come on dude, stay with me._ The horror in his voice was slightly odd to hear, but Loki did suppose he was dying.

Thor was kneeling above him, cradling him close “No, no, no, no”

 _Well. This went poorly._ Nothing was hurting quite yet. Well, it was, but in the vague way that you knew that there was supposed to be pain, however nothing but emptiness echoed back.

_Loki, come on, there’s doctors on Asgard right? Come on dude, you can do this._

“You fool, you didn’t listen.” Loki could swear he saw tears on his face. He wished… he wished it wouldn’t end this way. Not here, not like this.

“I know I-I’m a fool, I’m a fool.”

Thor brought his forehead down onto Loki’s chest “Stay with me okay?”

_Damn you, you bastard, you’re not dying now._

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Loki didn’t know who he was telling.

“Shhhh” There was a hand on his cheek, clearing away his hair.

_I’m going to die._

_No, you’re not. No, Loki._

“I’m sorry.” The both of them, he decided. He was telling them both.

_Tell Lila and Coop I’ll remember them._

“It’s okay. It’s alright. I’ll tell father what you did here today.”

Loki wanted to smile “I didn’t do it for him.” His brother was there, alive. The man who put his mother in a coma was dead. He won.

_Thank you, Clint._

_I’ll tell them. I promise._

Loki felt himself slip away into unconsciousness.

* * *

Clint felt himself stagger.

“Honey? What’s wrong?”

“Loki – Loki’s dead.”

Nat looked up. Laura’s hand flew to her mouth. Clint stumbled forward, before settling down on the couch.

“What are we gonna tell the kids?”

Clint could feel his breathing speed up. Dammit, he couldn’t be hyperventilating, not now. “I don’t know.”

“Slow down” Nat was there, steady arm on his shoulder. “Firstly, are we sure that he’s dead?”

Clint shuddered at the memory “Thor thought so. Plus, there was a sword through his chest.”

“But apparently they aren’t the same species.” Natasha had lowered her face into his line of sight, and she was slowly breathing. Clint matched his to hers “So there exists a chance that he might not actually be dead and he’s a bit tricky. Hold off on telling the kids until later.”

Clint nodded slowly and rocked himself back and forth “Okay. Okay.”

Nat is smiling in the way that Clint knows means lie, lie, lie. “Calm down, Clint, it’s just Loki.”

Dammit, it was just Loki. But the kid had grown on him, and he didn’t want him to die. Maybe he deserved it, Clint didn’t know anymore, didn’t even think that much about it anymore. Especially not after the whole thing with Thanos. But he didn’t want him to die, not now.

They waited. It was a nerve-wracking few hours, and Clint hoped, hoped, hoped.

And just when the hour hand ticked past zero a third time, he heard a tired _Clint?_

_Loki. Loki!_

_Clint? I’m alive?_

_Yes. Yes, you are. Come on dude, can you get up?_

_Not really much of an option, is there?_

Clint cracked a bit of a grin _I suppose not._

Clint saw Loki slowly, slowly stagger to his feet. He was leaning on a nearby rock, panting with harsh breathes.

_I’m alive._

_Yeah. Yeah._

Loki leaned against the wall, breathes slowing down _I’m alive._

_Yeah._

There was silence for just a moment _Where can I go?_

_What are your options?_

_Asgard apparently._  His voice turned slightly contemplative. _I wonder if Odin will think anything of my dead body._

Clint felt an idea run through his mind. Oh. Natasha might actually kill him. _Or maybe you could come here?_

Loki paused for a second _You. Would let me into your home?_

_I mean, you know where it is. If you wanted to kill my family, you could. Plus, you spent all the time here as an illusion, where you could have set the building on fire._

_Yes._ Loki was quiet _I suppose I could have._

_So why not spend a few months here? If only long enough to get your footing?_

Loki was quiet. _Your wife? Natasha?_

 _I’ll ask Laura._ Clint agreed.  _But I think she'll say yes. Natasha - we'll see._

“He’s alive.”

Laura slumped against the couch. Nat raised an eyebrow in a very I told you so way.

Clint breathed in once, before quickly exhaling “I invited him here. He won’t go back to his cell.”

Natasha shot up to her feet. Laura looked up alarmed. “I don’t think he’s gonna attack. He’s more confused the anything else.”

Laura looked faintly concerned, and Nat was barely readable. Clint caught small flashes of uncertainty, fear, and doubt, before they were smoothed out.

Laura opened her mouth carefully “Not a bad idea.”

Their heads snapped to her.

“Better that he has some support structure, rather then him just doing whatever he wants across the world.” Laura was chewing on her lip, and her words were slow, measured. “Besides, if he wanted to kill us, he could. Easily. He knows where we live.”

“He might change his mind. He might snap.” Natasha looked up, a slightly calculating look on her face.

“Maybe.” Laura agreed “But I don’t think he will.”

Clint let the arguments sit in the air for a second, before saying in his announcer's voice, “All for it, say aye. All against, say nay.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, before naying. Clint pondered it for a moment, before ayeing. Laura looked back and forth between them, before letting out an aye as well.

Clint clapped “Wonderful! I’ll tell him.”

_You are formally invited to Clint Barton’s Home for Wayward Children!_

Loki was scoffing. Clint was confident of that _I am not a child._

 _Of course, you aren’t._ Clint placated

_Stop calling me that._

“Oh, and darling?” Clint felt a small smile cross his face.

“What?” Laura responded.

“I told you so.”

He had to dodge a punch to the gut, but it was so worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big dramatic thing! I'm spacing out the timeline a lot more. I think T:TDW (I didn't watch it, so I'm not sure) happened days after Avengers, but for this story, about a year passed in between. CA:CW happens maybe a week after, with AOU happening in 2015. Yay for a ridiculously specific timeline that absolutely no one asked for.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's at the Barton household, and there is fallout from a bunch of previously hired goons suddenly realizing they don't have a place to go. Clint finds this out the hard way.

“Having Loki around the house is… interesting.” Clint told Natasha over the phone.

“The kids love him. Him and Coop go out every now and again to play Tag. If I’m real busy, he’ll pick the kids up from school or take Lila to the park. It’s nice for them, to have someone else to rely on.”

_Not rely on. I swear I’m leaving soon._

_Sure._

“He’s actually not that bad of a houseguest. Cleans up after himself, keeps his room tidy, and he helps with the chores. No, he does everything he’s supposed to. But really bad things happen when he does more.”

_Oh dear. Have I caused you any troubles?_

_What exactly do you call the time when you convinced Lila to cover the entire tractor with sprinkles? It wouldn’t work for a week._

_I wanted her to exercise her creative spirit._

_Or you wanted to give me a hernia._

_Why not both?_

“So, basically, you’re trying to convince me that the leader of the attempted march on New York is now basically your troublesome teenager?”

Clint paused for a moment, holding the phone. “Damn, I hope Lila and Coop aren’t half as bad.”

_I am not a child. Tell her that I am not a child._

“He wants me to tell you that he’s not a child.”

“Oh?”

_Damn the both of you._

_Language Loki._

“Mm. Well, I did call you for a reason.”

Clint paused at her tone. This wasn’t good. “What is it?”

“We’re on the run. Keep your head down, and don’t trust anyone. Not even SHIELD.” Clint carefully calculated the odds of Nat lying to him, before throwing them out.

“Natasha,” He was trying to hide the lump in his throat, as anxiety crawled up his stomach “an explanation would be real nice.”

“We have reason to believe that Hydra’s infiltrated SHEILD.” The sentence is short, clipped. Clint falls back onto the sofa. “We’re going on a mission soon to hack into all their files. I don’t know what we’re doing to do with it, but I’ll try to keep info on you out of it.”

Clint nearly dropped the phone. No. Focus. “Natasha, are you sure you don’t want back-up?”

“No. By the time you get here, we should have completed it already.” He could hear the slight quiver in her voice. He wouldn’t mention it. “Plus, if Hydra knows about Laura…”

 _And the kids_ went unsaid. Dammit.

Clint scratched the back of his head and replied. “Okay, but if you need me, call. If I’m sent on mission, I’ll try and stall.”

There was a small smile in her tone “Good.” He could hear gunfire in the background for a moment, before she returned to the phone and said, “Anything else?”

Clint ran his hand through his hair “Coulson? Fury?”

“Fury’s trusted.” Natasha’s voice was ice-cold “I don’t know if Coulson was with Hydra, but well. I haven’t bothered to try and check. Sharon Carter’s fine as well, along with Sam Wilson. Everyone else is suspect.”

“Alright then.” Clint took a single fortifying breathe “Take care Nat. Don’t be reckless.”

The phone clicked.

_Is that why you didn’t tell them I was in your head?_

_Nah. Never suspected it. Damn, if SHEILD down, then I dunno where I’m gonna work._ Clint puts the thought of SHEILD away, and tries to forget that they were, they were, the monsters that he’d tried so hard to defeat.

_Maybe join another super secret government agency? There is not exactly a lack._

_Oh hush. Let me worry._

* * *

Loki’d been jumpy. For the past few hours. There was something wrong.

Usually he was, if not laid back, then able to relax. Perpetually paranoid, but able to look past it. It was bad now though – really bad.

Clint finally snapped “Loki, what are you so worried about?”

Loki startled for a moment, before scowling at him. _I swear, I keep seeing something in the windows. Not sure what it is._

_See what?_

_I don’t know._ Clint felt Loki brace himself _Someone might be here._

Clint tensed. _Tell Laura to take the kids to the bunker. You go too, I’ll stalk out the place._

 _Let me fight_ Loki insisted _I’ll be fine._

 _Loki, I need someone to guard the kids._ Clint had already started moving away from the living room _Don’t look like you have something you’re doing, tell Laura that Benny’s visiting soon – that’s code. She’ll know what to tell the kids._ Clint couldn’t engage, not until the kids and Laura wouldn’t potentially fall in the center of the firefight. _I know it’s a lot to ask, but please._ Clint swore he heard someone under the steps when he walked out and looked for an axe. _You function better in close quarters combat. I trust you with them._ Clint slung his bow across his shoulder before grabbing the axe and splitting the wood in half. He methodically stacked the wood while his eyes roamed around the grounds to follow his axe. He saw something – a glint. _Are they safe?_

 _Yes._ Loki replied. _We’re all tucked away. Don’t do anything stupid._

Clint almost smiled _I? Would never._

Loki snorted. Clint carefully grounded himself, ignoring the image of his family that Loki’s eyes were sending, and he walked to the front of the house. He felt something – maybe the man moved, maybe he had made some noise, maybe Clint could hear his heartbeat, but Clint jumped back in time for a katana to wedge itself up through his floorboards. Clint threw himself backwards, before swinging his axe down. The wood splintered before a bullet echoed next to his head. He rolled away and took his bow. The figure was getting himself out of the shards of broken wood and the stray pieces of metal and stone littered around his waist. Clint took the opportunity, and grabbed a drugged arrow of his, before stabbing him with it.

The man struggled for about four seconds, before falling to the ground, dead to the world. He was lying backwards, and Clint picked him up, while keeping close to the ground with one hand on an arrow.

_Someone’s here alright._

_Should I leave the bunker? Stand at the front door, so that any stray bullets in a firefight don’t hit them?_

_If you hear someone. If you don’t, stay in the locked room. I’d rather you not be snuck up on._

Clint looked around the house. He carefully looked at the woods.

Nothing.

When he was satisfied, he walked slowly into the house. A bullet raced towards him, and he flipped out of the way. He fired an arrow back and heard the explosion. Muffled screams echoed through the forest.

His eyes dart around the forest. Were they alone? He didn’t know he didn’t know he didn’t know. His eyes slant to the man kneeled over, and a thought runs through his head. Part of him wants to throw up, before shoving everything away, except the voice at the back of his head saying threat, threat, threat.

He jogged back and bludgeoned one of them with the axe. The other one was still pretty out of it from the explosion, so he crouched next to him.

“How many of you are here?” His voice is half cheerful, and the man looks up terrified. Clint files the memory of his children away and focuses on the man. The reminder that there is a threat here, at him home, reverberates through his head again and again and again. He focuses on that. When the man looks up, eyes dazed, he knocks him over the head again. The force reverberates down the axe, and Clint remembers to keep his hands steady.

He sees the man’s eyes snap, before he screams.

“Tell me who’d here, and I’ll let you go.” His voice is quiet, and he makes it a safe place, a place of relief for this man, who’s hands are scrabbling against the ground. Blood is on the wood of the axe. The man’s eyes roll towards him, and Clint sees the refusal in his eyes, before raising the axe again.

“Four!” He flinches backwards into the ground, hands above his head. Clint knew the pose.

He grabs an arrow out of his quiver, and the man goes down.

Four. One was under the stairs, two were in front of him, unconscious, so that left one.

_Can I barrow one of your illusions?_

_Sure. What of?_

_Me. Have him running into the forest._

Clint sees three bullets fly through the double, from his crouched position behind a bush. He traces the path, and knocks another man under.

Four. Done.

He ties them up, and contacts Fury.

_Are they alright?_

_Yes._

_Good._

Bile rises in his throat slowly. The man with the axe has blood all through his hair. Clint shakes a little, before remembering to _sort, filter, don’t let it touch you in the middle of a job, this is a job, you have a job to do._

It works.

* * *

Later he breaks down.

Not in front of Laura. She’s shaken enough. After looking through their stuff, he’d seen that they didn’t know that he was here – they just thought it was an abandoned property from SHEILD’s database. He thought of the one, and he remembered, remembered the feel of Barney above him, poised, baseball bat in hand, and he heard the crack, crack, crack, until there was nothing anymore. He still remembered the sound of cracking when he went to bed, sometimes.

 _You had to._ Loki’s voice is wavering, though, Clint can hear it. _You had to._

 _No, I didn’t._ He disagreed. _I didn’t think of anything else. I could have sent the alternate version of you to look around. But I didn’t. Because hitting it was easier._

Hitting him was easier. It was easy, and it solved the problem, and that was that. He wondered if Barney had though the same thing, bat above his head, knowing that if the police found him, they would never find Barney. He wondered if his brother had thought, for a second, that maybe it was worth it not to do things the easy way.

Clint hadn’t. Clint had let himself take the easy way out.

_Your brother sounds like a piece of work._

Clint wants to laugh. Barney was. He was great, and awful, and Clint didn’t know what to think about him on good days, let alone the days like these.

_He was._

Clint wants to, wants to, wants to hit something, to shatter something. He hears footsteps behind him, echoing against the wooden floor, and he wants to lunge at Loki, fists flying.

_I’m not delicate, Barton._

So he does. He tucks himself into a roll and kicks across. Loki jumps over, before throwing a knife straight into his chest. Clint grabs it, before throwing the knife back straight into his kneecap. There’s a single thing on his mind – destroy, destroy, destroy. And dammit, he knows that he shouldn’t, that he isn’t angry at Loki, but he was angry, and Loki was there, and he wasn’t delicate, and he’s tired of being in places where he can’t choose.

He lunged at him when the knife was batted away and followed with a kick to Loki’s midsection. He flinched backwards, and Clint freezes.

What is he doing?

He drops his guard, and Loki studies him for a moment, before dropping his too.

“You needed to hit something.” He drawls. Clint wants to shudder, wants to collapse.

“You shouldn’t have let me hit you.” He has his knees on the floor. He thinks he’s shaking, just a bit.

“Barton.” Loki’s voice is gentle. “You couldn’t hurt me, ot if I didn’t let you.”

“That’s not the point here.” Clint leaned back onto the wall. “That’s not the point at all. I shouldn’t – I don’t…” He doesn’t know how to article it. Because factually, Loki is right. Factually, he can’t hurt him, not really. He knows that.

But he remembers his dad, leaning over his mother. He remembers his mother, who could have left if she wanted, who had money and skills and more. But she didn’t. And Clint took far too long to understand why, and Loki standing there telling him that _He could take it_ makes something in him want to throw up.

_I am not your mother. I am not powerless._

_And that means I can hit you?_

_I let you. You waited for me to tell you that I could._ Loki’s voice is, of all things, awkward. It’s kind of funny, almost. _I promise you that I wouldn’t have let you otherwise. And you wouldn’t have hit me otherwise._

_I might have. I did him._

Him. Clint could still remember his face, startled, hand rising above his head for half a second. He could remember, burned onto his retinas.

 _He was going to kill you and your family._ Loki’s voice has turns brutal, suddenly. Hard, like the edge of a serrated knife. _And you worry that you might have been too harsh on him._ There’s ridicule in his tone. Clint lets his head loll upwards and looks him straight in the eye.

 _And what if I am too harsh?_ Clint knows that Loki, of all people, might not be the right one to ask. Violence comes easily to them both, Clint knows, from dreams and nightmares of a blue planet hit with a rainbow blaze.

Loki seems to pause for a second, before collapsing in front of him, and stretching his legs out. _I don’t know what to tell you._

Clint wants to laugh. He has his head back, and his arms splayed out. Loki’s pacing back and forth, feet rubbing away at the wooden floor. He looks at him, and their eyes meet for a second, before he sighs and sits down.

 _Maybe someday you will._ Loki’s voice is awkward, and he sounds all wrong. _But Laura, Natasha, even me a little bit – we know you. And we know that’s not you, and we wouldn’t let you._

_You just did._

_Well, I won’t._ His voice is stronger now, and Clint looks him straight in the eye. Fire burns back at him. _Just as you will for me._

Clint swallows, before nodding. Loki smiles, and they relax.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo This starts a really short arc w/ Clint. I wish I made it longer, but Loki has a really bad habit (at least in my writing) to overwhelm his story. But yeah. A small problem is that I have one chapter written after this, while the one after it is still in the works. Funnily enough, pretty much everything after this is written out, so yeah. One chapter, that is fighting me tooth and nail, but I WILL SUCCEED! Hope you like it, and drop a comment if you do!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fury gets involved. Is that a good thing? Is that a bad thing? Only Fury knows.

“What is the god-of-so-called-mischief doing here?”

Fury was glaring at Loki. Loki had his eyes raised, a tiny current of tension in his shoulders that Clint could only read from having been in his head for so long. Lila was skipping around the house, dollies in hand, with Cooper trying to build a feasible fort. Clint was trying to ignore the issue here.

“What?”

“Loki. What is Loki doing here?”

 _Is he planning on doing anything?_ There is an undercurrent of fear, of resignation in his voice. Clint remembered, remembered the thought of _alone, alone, alone._

 _Loki,_ Clint says, _you couldn’t get out of here if you ran kicking and screaming._

That tiny line of tension dissipates as Loki rolls his eyes.

Cooper looked up at Fury in between putting a blanket over a broom “Why can’t Mister Loki be here?”

Fury looked up, and Clint swore he looked like he was about to have a hernia. Well. As close as Fury got to a hernia anyways. Which Clint had to agree, wasn’t very much. Fury began his tirade again “Clint, what is he doing here?”

“Reading.” Loki’s voice unhelpfully piped up “I’ll babysit the kids later. And then I’ll have to go to the library – I’m nearly out of books.” His voice too on an almost mournful tone at the end “And, if I have time, I’ll have to bomb Miss Liberty.”

“Loki!” Laura hissed.

“What?” He has the most innocent expression that Clint has ever seen, and Clint just really wants him to drop it. Mostly because of how patently untrue it is.  “I presume she’s unmarried. She might not be, though. Maybe she’s engaged with one of the insipid rock faces in Washington.” His voice was contemplative, like he was discussing the martial status of the girls two roads down. Clint’s eye darted to Fury, and he saw a single twitch.

“Agent Barton.” His voice was iron “You better have a damn good reason for this.”

Clint carefully did not flinch. “Remember what happened with Nat?”

Fury’s eyes narrowed, and his eye twitched “This is not the same thing.”

“This is the exact same thing.” Clint disagreed.

“No.” Fury said again “This is not.”

“It is.” Clint stressed “A previously hostile foreign agent, working under an unknown entity towards goals that are detrimental to our interests? Who I managed to convince is better allied with us than not, and then brought home?”

“I” Loki sulked “am not like Romanoff. She’s painfully… cold.”

“What are you saying.” Fury looked at him.

“I am saying” Loki said blithely “That if I knocked her over, she might shatter all over a wooden floor.” Clint saw a red flicker in the corner of his eye, and horror washed over him. “If her finger was chopped off, it could be used in those Colas you lot prefer.” Clint considered warning him, before she disappeared. “If you took her to your North, she would survive long past the rest of our deaths…”

“And if she found you talking about her, she might stab you.” She said, right behind him.

Loki froze for a moment, before he let out an almost nervous sound of delight and said “Natasha! We were just talking about you!”

“Were you now?” Her voice was absolutely neutral. Loki tended to do that to her.

Loki grinned, before pointing at her and looking at Fury “That’s what I was talking about!”

Natasha just raised an eyebrow, before turning and sitting on the floor next to Lila. Lila grabbed her hand and Clint heard them going on about magic fairy princess land. He was not going to ask question.

_How does that woman go form utterly terrifying to painfully domestic in about three seconds?_

_It’s a gift._ Clint agrees.

Fury looked Clint in the eye “I swear Clint, if you’ve been mind magicked again, I will light something on fire.”

Loki pretended to look insulted “Fury, I would never.”

“You did.” Fury nearly screeched. Well. A near screech for Fury. Clint winced.

_You’re laying it a bit thick. Please don’t give him a heart attack._

_Relax Clint. I can handle this._

“Fury, I swear this is just me. You don’t think Nat already checked?”

“I did.” She piped up “He’s good. Might be insane, but he’s good.”

Fury sighed, before leaning back into the couch “We have to tell Thor.”

A look of fury cut across Loki’s face “You will _not_ …”

“And you can’t.” Clint said, carefully stepping in between the two and gently pushing Loki back into his seat. “Thor isn’t coming back to Earth for a bit.”

Fury shot him a disgruntled expression “And how do you know, Barton?”

“I told him.” Loki said, helpfully.

_You are not helping._

_Shame._

“The god of lies told you something,” Fury slowly said, “And you believed him?”

“I am not the god of lies.” Loki was pouting on the sofa. Clint wanted to die “You mortals called me that. That’s on you. Not me.”

Fury ignored him and sat the full force of his glare on Clint. Clint sighed. “Fury, I don’t ask for your trust very often. However, I would never put my family in danger if I had even the slightest doubt that Loki would kill them all.”

_Yes, if your wife asked._

_Loki, not now._

Fury’s eye twitched just a little, before he stood up “Well, if this blows up in our face, I’m blaming you Barton.”

Clint grinned “Wouldn’t have it any other way Director.”

Fury snorted “Not the director of a whole lot anymore.” He sat back in the chair, before Cooper ran up to him, Lego in hand. Clint sighed, and Loki turned to Lila. It sometimes still seemed odd when he saw Loki playing nice with the children, but. But. There was something heartwarming about it.

“Well, Barton, come back with me. We have to talk. Official business.”

Clint’s eyes darted towards Laura’s. She looked troubled. He’s retired, they both know, but in his line of work retired has a more flexible definition. He feels tendrils of Loki’s curiosity but he asks for a bit of privacy, and he is thankful that he gives it.

“Alright.” He said aloud. They headed to the shed, and Fury slipped inside. Clint relaxed against the wall, loose limbed.

“Do you know this person?” He took a single picture out of his coat, face up. Clint looked over the picture, and he would swear the he recognizes something, but he can’t tell what.

“Dunno. Something familiar about him.”

Fury looked up at Clint and something uncoils in his gut. Something bad is coming.

“He’s the head of a crime syndicate in Boston. Not too big, we’ve been mostly letting them run loose, bigger targets, etc. etc. But lately, he’s been dabbling in making metahumans.”

“Like Cap?”

“We presume.” Fury drawled out. “Wish there wasn’t so many look alikes, but well.”

“And you need me to deal with him.” Clint’s retired, but SHEILD doesn’t have the same number of agents as before, not after most of them went underground, and Clint is one of the best at what he does even if he hates it. Damn HYDRA, really.

“His name from what we’ve gathered, is Barney Barton.” Clint felt his heartbeat slow to a crawl.

Barney Barton.

“Is it a coincidence?”

“No.” Fury’s is solid. “He’s been trafficking people – bringing people into the organization against their will. Doping them up. He has no clear successor right now, so we need you to take him out.” And dammit, Clint doesn’t want to do this, he can’t, not again. He put this behind him. The Avengers were good, the Avengers were fantastic, because he knew he was doing the right thing. Going back into this game – he didn’t want to cut off parts of him again.

“Can you do this soldier?” Fury’s looking him in the eye.

“How long?”

“I don’t know.” Fury has his back against the wall. “We’re looking at a timeline of a few weeks, before he can get his ducks in a row. But I can’t give you any exact dates.”

Barney. Dammit. He couldn’t… He couldn’t face him. Not again.

“When do I have to leave?” Clint’s voice is far away. Because he knows he shouldn’t, but he is a soldier, and he remembers Natasha, and he can’t let that happen – not to other little girls, not again. At the same time, his head is dizzy.

“Now.”

He takes a deep breath before exhaling. “Can I tell Luara?”

“Sure. Don’t take too long.” Fury turns on his heel, before walking back up to the farmhouse. Laura takes the news with pursed lips and a stressed expression, while Loki has an expression far too even, and Natasha studies him. Cooper takes it the worse. It makes something clench in him, to leave his son and daughter behind.

 _Be careful._ There was concern laced through Loki’s voice.

 _I’ll be fine._ Clint responded. He climbed into Fury’s car, and they headed off to the airport.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I messed up. I have a whole chapter I need to rewrite, alongside two other chapters I need to write, so um. I'm so sorry. Next update will be late - dunno how much, but it will be. Plot holes suck, and I pretty much had to redo a ton of stuff. So yeah. Hope everyone has a great day, and please don't forget to comment!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint Deals with Barney. And then Loki and Laura talk with Clint.

Infiltrating the organisation was surprisingly easy. Clint suspected a trap from the get-go.

 _You have an awful brother._ Loki noted.

 _Mm._ Clint boxed him out and focused. The vents were cold, and he was likely in a ventilation duct. It made it unpleasant, but it also ran through the whole building, so there was something. When crawling through it, he dropped straight into Barney’s room when one of the ducts cracked under his weight. He twisted, before feeling someone tackle him from behind. His eyes widened, before he twisted.

Barney was above him, and for a half a second Clint felt sheer panic, mixed with a blast of recognition.

It had been years since he’s seen Barney, and he didn’t know how he didn’t make him out in the photo. He moved the same, fought the same, and Clint hit the ground with a thud. Barney had pressed him to the ground.

_Run._

“Clint.” His brother was there with a gun, and Clint was going to die.

Clint didn’t die.

He looked up, and his brother was holding a gun to his head.

“Walk.”

Clint walked. Barney kept his Clint twisted his arm in between the gun and his arm, and the gun clatters on the floor. He kicks his leg up to him, but he knocks it our of the way before Barney grabbed another gun on his holster and shot Clint point-blank in the leg. Clint felt himself go down.

Barney grabbed him by the back of his shirt, before shoving him forward. “Walk.” He hissed, and Clint looked up before caving.

 _What are you going to do?_ Loki’s voice was almost shaky.

 _This is bad._ Clint agreed. Loki was slightly hysterical. Clint was looking around. They were walking down a hallway. His leg felt a lot like liquid acid, but he’d worked through worse. Barney had his gun half an inch away from the small of Clint’s back, and his hands immobilized underneath it. Clint didn’t know where they were going, and he didn’t have any weapons in his hands. So, he had to disable Barney, preferably somewhere private, where he could take him down without backup. Then, well then, he had to complete his task.

Simple enough.

_Loki, could you make a loud noise behind him?_

_Fine._

Clint spun exactly when Barney startled. Barney needed him alive, for whatever reason, and no gunshot went off. He reached for an arrow in his quiver, before grabbing it by the tip and shoved it straight into Barney. He flinched back, arrow through his arm, and Clint shoved a cloth into his mouth before turning the taser on.

He grabbed another arrow and aims it downwards through his heart. Right before he can let the arrow pierce him, he

“I know about them.” Barney’s garbled voice echoes through the hallway. “I know about you’re your secret.”

Clint freezes for half a second, and Barney leans in closer. “If I die, they will release the information. Home address, names, everything.”

Clint feels rage boil in his veins. How dare he – how dare he try and take everything – take everything again. Again. Barney was just – he needed to die. He deserved the worst of everything he’d done – he deserved to feel every ounce of pain that he had delivered, he deserved the absolute worst Clint could bring.

Clint felt something freeze in him, and Barney needed to die. Slowly. But not before – Clint needed to know how. How he figured it out.

He grabbed two arrow and stabbed through Barney’s wrists. They entered the ground, and Barney screeches through the rag.

“Who told you.” His voice is brutal. Cold. He tore the rag out of Barney’s mouth.

“A little birdie.” Barney let out a loose smile, an almost smirk. “Would ya believe it? Now be a champ little brother and let me go. Or else.” His voice turned vicious in the end.

Clint didn’t. Clint reached into his pockets and snatched out some files.

He saw, of all things, his tax records.

_The son of a…_

They weren’t detailed, just a short synopsis that he had several dependants. That was it.

_Thank goodness._

Clint shoved the gag in his mouth again, before stabbing him. “What do you know?”

“Everything.” It was barely audible.

“And what is everything?” Clint grabbed another arrow and stuck it right into his kneecap. Barney convulsed for a second, before screeching again.

_Clint are you sure…_

_Shut up Loki._

“I swear, I swear, I swear, you’ll get your back for this, You’ll get what you deserve-“

“So you know nothing.” Clint felt a second of pure relief course through his veins, before he grabbed another arrow and plunged it into his shoulder.

“What are you trying to accomplish here? Why take me?”

Barney looked up at him warily, gag in his mouth. Clint tore it out, and he heard Barney screech.

He hit on the head, before gagging him and pulling him up into the vents. Men swarmed the ground underneath them before moving on. He heard the confuse shrieks underneath them, and he presses Barney’s mouth shut while they wait.

Soon the hallway emptied. Clint shimmied his way down and landed with a load _thwack_ on the ground.

He felt, rather than saw, the gun coming up. Clint swore, before rolling out of the way, and the gun shot echoed above him. He rolled into the corner and looked up.

The kid had to be fifteen at most. He was holding the gun wrong, and he looked unsteady. Barney looked horrified, before pulling the gag out.

_Ah._

_I don’t understand._ Loki was still in shock – Clint wasn’t exactly sure what over, but he was.

Clint grabbed his bow and arrow and notched two arrow – he was thankful that he’d taught himself that skill, it was ridiculously useful – and aimed one of them at them both.

“I will not miss.” His voice was stern. Like if Cooper had spilled his paints – Clint cut that line of thinking off. “I won’t miss either of you. Drop the gun.”

The boy’s eyes flitted to Barney’s who shook his head. Clint let his fingers loosen the tiniest bit – a warning, Barney had known him in the circus, knew how he shot, and if he let his fingers slip…

Barney almost flinched, and Clint felt a savage burst of joy erupt in his chest. The boy’s eye’s drifted to Barney again, and Clint twitched his fingers the tiniest bit, before Barney nodded and the boy dropped it.

Thank goodness Barney had paid attention in the circus.

“What do you want.” Barney looked up at him, scared. And Clint felt another crest of something rise in him.

_Satisfaction._

He felt so satisfied that Barney knew what it was like, what it was like to want to hide, what it was like to feel a knife in his back.

“Are you doing this for revenge?”

“I’m doing this cause it’s my job.” Clint’s voice was harsh. “You know that.”

Barney’s eyes darted up to the arrow, before sliding over to the kid, and he swallowed. “There is no experimentation.” He said slowly. “We – well, I – was approached by HYDRA. They wanted you off the Avengers – don’t know why, but they did.”

“So, you slung a trap.”

“Yeah.”

They studied each other. Clint – Clint looked at him clinically. Clint looked him up and down, and cocked his head sideways, before pulling one arrow out of his quiver and shooting.

Barney collapsed backwards.

The kid screamed.

Clint ran.

* * *

 

Later, he told Fury that the job was done. Later he would collapse backwards, shaking. Later.

He asked Fury about the info.

“I don’t have the resources to investigate, Barton.” Fury looked up at him, empathy in his eyes. “We’ll look into the spy, but I don’t think I could tell you whether or not your target was lying.”

“You can’t tell me whether or not there’s a trafficking ring?”

“I wish I could.”

Loki was drifting around the house. Laura was giving him looks. The kids wouldn’t notice anything – he was sure they wouldn’t. Clint – Clint didn’t know. He felt like he was drifting away.

Later, when he was sitting on the front porch staring off into the distance, Loki sat next to him.

“We need to talk.” His voice was brisk. Clint generally didn’t hear it like that – Loki wasn’t much for briskness. He tended to have layers – some lies, and some not, and Clint was decent enough at pulling through them, but Laura was awful. At it.

“About what?” Clint’s voice was a little open, a little confused. Clint could distract too.

“You haven’t been -” Loki cut himself off, before turning to him again. “You’ve been off. Since Barney.”

“Since Barney?” Clint echoed. He was keeping this uncomfortable, maybe Loki would quit and ask for them to talk another time.

Loki grimaced. “I can hear that, you know.”

Clint shifted. He stared off into the clouds.

_I don’t – he was a target. And I know that, he was no different from every other target. And Loki, I haven’t seen him in so long, we’ve prolly spent more time apart than we have together. But he’s so familiar at the same time._

_Familiar?_

_Yeah. It was… surreal. I didn’t – I couldn’t…_ Clint let his thoughts fall to pieces, before pushing the distance, the fog over his head, to Loki. The feeling of – they’d gone to the pool one time. He and Barney and Mum and Dad. Mum had gotten a promotion, and they wanted to celebrate. Barney had grabbed him, and they took turns holding each other under the water, seeing who could last the longest.

It was like that. Like he’d left behind all noise above him somewhere, and he was still, before he rushed up, and felt everything fall on him again.

“You’re not making very much sense.” Loki said. Clint laughed.

“I didn’t think so.”

“Clint?” Laura was standing in the doorway. Laura had worry lines across her face, and Clint smoothed his out.

“Laura, my bad, I was just talking to Loki for a second-” Clint climbed to his feet and took a step towards the house when Laura put a hand across his chest.

“Clint, talk to me.” He voice was iron, and Clint half-wanted to flinch. He turned to her a smiled.

“Jeez, Laura, you’d think that there was-”

She put he hands on his arms and he stopped. “Clint, _talk to me._ ”

“I killed my brother, what do you want me to say?” Clint shouted at her. She looked up at him, a single eyebrow raised. He twisted out, before collapsing onto a chair.

She hovered next to his shoulder. Loki was still pacing across the space. had his face in his hands.

“Dammit.”

“What was he like?” Loki was leaning against the railing, looking at him. Clint let out a laugh.

“He was… he was confident. Always. And he wasn’t the type to run or hide from anything. It was kinda ridiculous – he was ridiculously headstrong. He was the one who convinced me to try out the circus.” Clint felt himself laugh, felt himself sob. “He was also – kinda a snake in the grass, you know? Good at pulling at people’s strings. He could make people so angry, sometimes, and then smooth things over. I envied him so much over it.”

Laura held his hand through it. Loki looked at him. “You love him.”

“Loved.” Clint said. “I’m pretty sure – it’s loved.”

Laura and Loki shared a look.

“It’s just… He was always there, ya know?” Clint climbed up again and paced around for a moment. “He was there with me and my mum, and he was there when we were in the circus. Even after – after I left, when I joined SHEILD, he was there. It’s stupid, but he’d leave notes. Tiny things here and there, signs, and he knew I’d get em.” He took a deep breath.

Laura took a step towards Clint. Loki was standing behind her, blank faced, scratching the center of his palm. She turned to Clint. “What happened with Barney?”

“One day he just disappeared. And I thought, that, you know, he’d have to be dead. But he wasn’t.” Clint gripped the railing tightly. “There was a kid there. His, I think. He almost looked like Cooper. And I left him without a father.” He stared of into the trees that lined the property.

Loki cleared his voice. “I don’t quite understand…”  he started.

“It was his kid. Or – if not – then like, an apprentice or something. A _dependant._ Shoot.”

Laura wrapped her arms around him. Loki stood up and held his hand. They pretended that they didn’t see his sobbing.

“I can’t believe he’s dead, not really. Even though – it’s hard to believe he’s just gone. For some reason. And the kid – he doesn’t have – whatever Barney was. And I could have taken him or something – the kid – but I just – shoot.” He closed his eyes. “The kid Laura. The kid. He had a kid. And I left him there”

Laura held him. Loki softly spoke for him. “And you have to live with that. You don’t have a choice.”

Clint turned angrily to him. “That is awfully pretentious of you to say, bud.”

“But it’s the truth.” Loki says. Stoically. Clint wants to punch him. “There is nothing you can do about it. You can just try to be better, do better, next time.”

Clint feels his anger drain away. He drops to his knees. “Shoot.”

They sit together on the porch until the sun goes down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Barney’s plan  
> \- Barney was hired by HYDRA to capture Clint Barton in exchange for resources – is gang had fallen on hard times  
> \- HYDRA wanted Clint cause they have the face changing tech that Nat had Winter Soldier – they wanted to infiltrate the Avengers  
> \- Barney gave Fury false info  
> \- Clint stumbled into his trap  
> \- Barney had wanted to use violence/threats of his family to lure him into captivity  
> \- He couldn’t use the rest of the gang because they had some bad blood with HYDRA and he didn’t want to risk alienating them
> 
> So, I found the plothole, I punched it in the gut, and then stabbed it in the face. HORRAY!
> 
> Also – leaves a cliff-hanger. Doesn’t update for a month – oops. Welp, I’m back now.  
> I’m so sorry this took so long to put out. Like, it’s almost a mini-hiatus, but work has been awful, and I have a school thing that I need to finish, and I've been out of the country, so yeah. Because of that, I’m taking myself of a schedule – it doesn’t really work with all the new stuff coming up. My goal is to update once a week, but um. I’ll try?  
> Fluff next update. And Loki + Lila + Cooper is surprisingly chaotic. So there’s that.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!  
> *Jazzhands aggressively*

Clint though that the dog looked like a wreck.

It was flea-bitten, and fairly old. It’d been abandoned on the side of the road, and when they’d been walking together, Cooper had picked it up, and refused to put it down, and then Loki had cleaned it with conjured water, and then they both turned to him and asked “May we please keep it?”

Laura let Lila toddle towards him towards him. She had wide eyes. Clint swore it was emotional manipulation.

Natasha stood behind them with a stupid little smirk. “It is working?”

They ended up taking it home. Cooper named it Lucky, and Loki conjured up a collar for it, and soon enough Clint was standing in line for the veterinarian’s office.

The dog barked. Clint stared at it.

_I still don’t see why you have to take it to the animal doctor._

_It could have rabies Loki._

_What are rabies?_

_A disease. Google it._

_Mhm. No._ A flash of something flitted across Loki’s eyes, through the shield.

_What are you doing?_

_Nothing you should be concerned about!_ Loki chirped.

Clint sighed. When he came home, he wasn’t even surprised to see a doghouse. He was exasperated at the fact that it was built right in front of the shed.

_How exactly do you expect me to use the tractor?_

_Teleport?_

“Daddy! Daddy!” Cooper ran up to him, and he ruffled his hair.

“Hey bud. I saw the house you built for Lucky.” He knelt in front of him, and Cooper giggled.

“Yeah!” He grabbed his hands, before they walked to the little house. Clint ducked his head inside, before looking around.

It was built oddly. It didn’t look very much like a doghouse – they built an actual bed, with a nighttable, and a closet, and a tiny alarm clock that looked a lot like his own.

In fact, it looked exactly like his own.

“Cooper.” Clint said slowly, “did Loki send you down?”

Cooper giggled. Clint raised his eyebrow at him, before plucking him up off the ground and walking up. Laura was downstairs, cooking something, and Clint leaned into the kitchen.

“Have you seen Loki and Lila?”

“Yeah.” She said, “they’re right there.” She pointed at Loki and Lila, lounging on the couch. Clint looked at them, before slipping into the living room and tapping Loki on the shoulder.

He wasn’t even close to surprised when it went through.

“Shoot.” Laura said.

“Shoot.” Clint agreed.

He raced upstairs to his room. When he opened his bedroom door, all his stuff was gone.

What was there was a giant poster saying _You’re in the doghouse!_

All the blankets were bunched together in the center, and Clint saw hid clothed bunched together in the approximation of a bowl.

“Seriously?”

He didn’t know where Loki and Lila were, but he could hear their giggles.

“Was this absolutely necessary, guys?” Clint sighed.

What a mess. Clint opened up the closet.

Lucky jumped out onto him.

His life was a mess.

* * *

The dog became normal.

The dog became the scrounge of his existence.

Trying to sit down for a bit? Well, dog in his lap. And he didn’t particularly dislike the dog, per say, rather that Nat had been holding a gun when she told him that she would actually shoot him if she saw more dog hair on her reports. Why the dog shedded so much, Clint didn’t know.

Clint didn’t know a lot.

He didn’t know, for example, that Loki had decided to take the kids after school. The teacher gave him a puzzled expression that told him that he had been there earlier.

When he came home, Laura was pulling at the doghouse, while Loki levitated it. They were slowly moving it to the back, and Clint watched as they drilled it into place.

The dog trotted outside and settled into the shelter, paw by paw.

It barked at him. Clint rolled his eyes.

* * *

Clint was walking the dog when it stopped in the middle of the road. Then the barking started. And it wouldn’t stop. The dog was leaping at the bushes before Clint could grab him.

He wondered for a moment if he could just… wait here. And maybe tell the kids he ran away? Clint sighed, before chasing after him.

Clint ran. He ran, and he ran, and he ran, and then Lucky jumped at him.

His hearing aids fell out.

The dog landed on them.

Clint looked underneath him, and he saw the things. They were crushed, ground down into pieces. Clint felt a small spring of panic gather in his chest.

Clint could _feel_ Loki’s amusement.

_Stop being so rude. They’re expensive you know._

_They’re insured._

_Not the point, Loki. Not. The. Point._

Clint sighed, before gathering the sharps with his hands. He could feel Lucky’s contrition – it was slightly unsettling. The dog had his face inclines up to Clint and curled up around Clint’s leg.

Clint blinked. His heart melted

“I get why the other’s like you, I really do, but um. I need space to move.”

Lucky moved away, before tackling Clint again. Clint flinches backwards and he tumbles into a ravine.

Shoot.

He lands awkwardly on his leg. He feels an probably-audible crack, and he falls. He twists his waist just a tad, so he lands on his other leg rather than his broken-in-half-leg, and he breathes for a second, before tilting his head up.”

“Seriously, bud, what is your problem?” Clint looked up at the dog, agitated. Clint thinks the dog barks at him, and then suddenly he can feel the ground trembling. Clint’s eyes widen, and he looks up, and there is a herd of bison running through the forest. Lucky’s curled around his foot again.

“Well.” Clint said philosophically, “I suppose this is the better outcome.”

Clint thinks Lucky barks. Clint sighs.

_I need help._

_What for?_ Loki is distracted. They got him a Nintendo thing – Clint couldn’t remember exactly which one, but Lila said it was the most modern version for his second anniversary of coming to the house. Apparently duels between two sets of tiny magical creatures made him happy, and Clint wasn’t going to question that. At all.

Anyways. Help.

_Pick me up. Can’t go further._

_Alright. Fine. Going._

* * *

Loki pokes his head into the living room and asks Laura “Can I borrow the car?”

She mutes the show, before turning her head to him. “Do you know how to drive?”

“Of course!” Loki said. How hard could it be to figure it out?

Laura eyes him suspiciously, before sighing. She gave him a phone with Clint’s location.

“Go. We’re teaching you to drive later.”

Loki made a face “Must you?”

“Yes.” Laura said, “You getting yourself into a car accident would be… bad.”

“It wouldn’t kill me.” Loki replied waspishly, heading to the front door.

“It would total the car, certainly.” Laura said. Loki grinned back, before heading out. “Be careful.”

“I promise.” Loki slipped his DS into his pocket and climbed into the car.

* * *

Loki didn’t crash the car, for one thing.

He tried to park on the side of the road, but the insolent car turned too bloody slowly, so he just left it in the middle of the road.

Loki grabbed the phone and walked into the forest. He tracked down Barton fairly quickly – it led him straight to a ravine

“What did you do?” He yelled to the figure in there. Clint didn’t respond.

_You’re an idiot._

_Maybe._ Clint said cheerfully. _I broke my leg. Help?_

Loki looked down into the ravine, before sighing. He grabbed a couple of branches and some rope from the car, along with a first aid kit and threw them into the hole.

One of the pieces of rope landed on Clint. Loki suppressed a smirk.

_Rude._

_But of course._

He turned into a bird a flew down. He wrapped the wood around Clint’s leg, before turning into a horse.

_On my back._

_What are you thinking of doing?_

_Trust me._ Loki looked at Clint. Clint looked at Loki. He didn’t move.

_There’s something that Natasha says often. Do you want to hear it?_

_No._

_“Trust” She says, “But verify.” This is me verifying._

_I’m saving your life Barton._

_Fine, fine._ Clint picked up Lucky and leaned against the wall. Loki saw him push of the wall and flipped off of it, landing right in the middle of Loki’s back.

_How- I’m not going to ask where you learned that._

_Incredible, ain’t it?_

_Not. Asking. Barton._

_Oh, it’s Barton now?_

Loki stayed silent for a second, before shifting.

Clint yelped, and grabbed onto his rapidly expanding ear, and Loki grinned. He used his truck to carefully pick up Lucky and place him on the ground. The dog sat down, waiting for Clint. He picked up the man and set him on the ground, before shifting into a bird and flying back.

“You really could have told me.” Clint says, wincing.

 _I could have, no?_ Loki cheerfully responded.

They limped back to the truck.

_I’m driving._

“No. How the hell did you park this?”

_Please?_

“No.”

Lucky barked from the back. Clint got into the front. Loki was extraordinarily happy that Clint would have to explain this whole… situation to Laura.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY AN UPDATE!!!!!!  
> Yes, It's largely filler. But I've been really... off the last few weeks? It's been weird. Anyways, this was supposed to continue the Barney arc, but that arc was exhausting, so I decided to upload something and move past that. It was at a decent ending point anyways, so yeah. Sorry if you wanted more from it, but I was just really unmotivated to write more of it?  
> So I wrote this instead. It’s quite possibly one of the fluffiest things I’ve written and by far the most domestic chapter I’ve written. Like, by a long shot. I don’t know how, but yeah, this feels so stereotypical I want to cry, but everyone fits in so perfectly, so I was like why not. Also, it gives a small glimpse into everything when things are calm – what are notable events when the world isn’t ending kinda deal, but the Loki-is-being-Loki deal.  
> Also, Tumblr. I have it. Want to talk to me? Go here:  
> https://divia18.tumblr.com/


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Team arrives at the farm.  
> Basically that scene from Age of Ultron

Clint limped up to the doorway of his house. Natasha was around his arm, and Tony was right behind him with the rest of the Avengers. He knocked on the door twice, before opening the door.

“Honey? I’m home.”

He heard Laura’s steps against the wood and the kid’s steps on the floor above them. _Loki? You might want to stay upstairs._

 _What?_ He was trying to mind the kids. Clint thought it was impossible, the kids were tiny hellions, but he had a touch.

 _The Avengers._ Loki was silent. _I had to bring them here. If you come downstairs, it might get…_

_Complicated._

_Kinda._

_So, I’ll stay hidden?_

_If you’d like. If you wanna show yourself, feel free._ Clint made his voice sound genuine, supportive. It was his decision.

 _Is my brother there?_ He sounded monotone, even to Clint’s ear.

_Yes._

There is a moment when he’s wavering, when he’s sitting on the edge between two mountains. _I’ll stay away then._ Loki was holding back a storm, Clint could tell. _I’ll be in the forest. Shapeshifted as a… squirrel. I’ll be a squirrel for two days. Do me a favor and refrain from telling Thor I’m alive._

Laura walked around and she leaned in, before he placed a kiss on his cheek.

“That is an agent.”

Clint ignored Tony.

He heard a pair of footsteps run down the stairs, before his kids ran up to him.

“Daddy!”

“And those are… smaller agents.”

Clint hugged them both.

Lucky barked up a storm before curling around his legs.

“And that is… A smaller agent?”

He looked up at the rest of the Avengers and explained. He saw Thor crush Cooper’s Lego, before he swept him under couch. The kid would be pissed once he figured out, but well.

_Of course, he crushed them. Brute._

_Don’t spy._ Clint was not ready to deal with any of Loki’s family drama. At all.

_Rude._

_Maybe, squirrel man._

_That is temporary, unlike the horrid nickname you came up with for yourself._

_Hawkeye is awesome._

“Clint? You zoomed out for a second.” There was a warning in Nat’s tone. He shot her a half grateful look, before walking away with his wife.

“Sorry Nat. Anyways, there are bedrooms upstairs. If any one of you wants to be a tad helpful, then well. Help gather some firewood.”

_I forget sometimes that you live in the stone ages._

_Maybe Asgardian stone ages._

Loki went silent. A tony bit of hurt radiated out, and Clint grimaced. He didn’t understand Loki’s breaking points sometimes, where he might push, and everything would unravel. He felt Loki wince when Thor passed into his vision, and there was a tinny _I’ll contact you in a few days_ before Clint felt a shield pop up. Shame.

The Avengers bunked in three different rooms – Clint put Thor in Loki’s room, just to see his reaction. It was a small upturning of his lips, when he said, “This looks familiar.” His face turned dark abruptly, and Clint pushed the images to Loki. Radio silence.

He stuffed Steve in the same room as Tony. Half of that was for efficiencies sake – rooming with Loki was an experience, and of Thor was even half as bad, well. He’d hate to see Tony woke up electrocuted. And putting the two together was fun.

He put Nat and Bruce in the same room – he could see what was happening, he wasn’t blind, thank you very much Natasha – and well. He might play matchmaker. Just a tad!

* * *

 

Later that night, Lila crept into his bedroom.

“Daddy. Daddy!”

Clint picked her up and tucked her underneath his arm “Yeah, peanut?”

“Where’s Loki?”

Clint blinked the sleep out of his eyes. How was he going to explain this to her… “Okay, so Lila, a while back, Loki came across a really bad man. He used a spell to make him come to New York – you know New York where daddy works? – and Loki had to do a lot of really bad things.”

Lila looks up at him, before kicking herself into his lap “Because of the spell?” She looked up, head tilted to the side. Her braids dug into his chest, and ouch. They hurt more than hair ought to.

“Yeah. But nobody knows that he was under a spell. So, we gotta make sure that we’re careful about who knows he’s here, or else they’ll take him away. He’s supposed to be in a cell, but he talked to some people, and he’s here now.”

Lila paused for a second, just to think, before wrapping her arms around his neck “Kay Daddy! I won’t tell anyone!” She laid back into him, head against his chest.

“Lila? Lila darling, do you want to sleep here on in your bedroom?”

She raised tired eyes towards him, before letting out a big childish sigh. She scampered out of the room, tiny thing that she was. Clint smiled before turning over and falling into bed.

“Clint.”

Dammit.

Steve stood in the connecting doorway. Clint wanted to curse, but well. He’d have to explain first.

“Sit down Steve.”

Steve paused, before slipping into a chair. “What do you mean he was under a spell? Was it like” he seems to hesitate for a moment, before starting up again “Was it like you?”

“Not a spell.” He curtly says. “Conditioning.”

Steve’s face went blank for a moment. Clint’d have to ask Nat – he knew that meant something, but not exactly what.

“How’d he get here of all places?” Cint wondered if he should tell him, before abruptly deciding if he’d gone this far, he could finish it.

“The mind stone left a link. We can talk whenever we want.”

Steve looked slightly disturbed. “Wait. Is he listening in right now?”

“No.” Clint said. When Steve relaxed, he cheerfully added “He’s asleep.”

Clint’s lying a bit, he knows. Loki has his shields up so high; Clint can’t get anything from him.

Steve groaned, before looking up, a contemplative expression on his face. “Thor said he’s dead. He was… really broken up about it.”

Clint winced. He sighed for a moment, before running his hands through his hair. “Well,” he started, “yes. He thinks that.”

Steve straight at him. Clint wondered how anyone could lie to the dude. He seemed to stare through your soul. “You have to tell him.” His voice is grave.

Clint winces “Not that straightforward, or I woulda done it. There’s a lot of drama there – Loki’s barely good talking about it. Plus, he’s barely stable on the best of days. This might… this might be what tips him over.”

Steve held his shoulders up for a second, before slumping back down. “You honestly can’t tell him?”

“Not now. Hopefully later, but not right now.”

“I would hope he knows sooner rather then later” Steve stands up and grabs the shield. “Well, if you need any help, don’t hesitate to ask.”

Clint fell back down into the bed and let a smirk spread across his face “Roger that.”

Steve rolled his eyes, before leaving. And finally, finally, Clint got some sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end part with Steve doesn't go anywhere, but... I really wanted to keep it in. So I ended up keeping it in.  
> Next chapter is pretty much my favorite in this whole story, so I am so excited over that.


	13. Chapter 13

Loki didn’t like the witch.

_Please don’t call her that. You know she doesn’t like it._

_Damn her._

_Loki._

_You aren’t my father Clint._

_I’m just asking you to be respectful of someone who’s in this house, okay?_

Loki didn’t like Wanda, then.

She cried too easily and sulked all over the house. She spent hours just staring at the wall, and he didn’t know what she expected to happen. The absolute worst part was that she had absolutely no control over her magic. Thor had been better. She was horrid at it. At random times during the day, it would spark up, and she would levitate something. It made Loki want to set something on fire.

_Loki._

_Yes, yes._

_Loki, why don’t you teach her._

Loki wanted to set Clint, specifically, on fire.

_Who else can? You are literally the only magic user I know about._

_I don’t want to._ Loki crossed his arms over his chest, before shooting her a suspicion look.

_Try. Once. No harm, right?_

Loki looked. Closely. He would try one lesson, only because her infernal magic was leaking everywhere. And if it failed, he would set Clint on fire.

_Wonderful. Just not in the house._

Loki snorted.

* * *

When he approached her, she was in her room, staring out of the window. She was utterly still. It was weird.

“Mr. Barton asked me to provide you with some training.”

It was awkward. She just sat there. He reached out, gently with his magic, trying to touch her, prompt her into anything. And she lurched forward, and then she collapsed into him. Loki blinked. She was in his arms, sobbing, and he was used to tears but usually he was the cause, and he was abjectly not prepared for this.

He gently patted her back. She sobbed more and pulled herself into his chest. He rocked her back and forth, just as he remembered Frigga had done when he’d been smaller and easily scared by what went bump in the night, and that hurt for a moment. She was shaking, and her cries weren’t pretty, weren’t neat. He could hear her choking once or twice, before she let out screams, and in between the screams, he’d hear a name

“Pietro… Pietro… Pietro…”

He didn’t know what to tell her. He didn’t know who Pietro was.

She was quivering now, before trying to gather herself “Who is Pietro?” he asked, and his voice was almost gentle.

“My brother.” She said, voice quiet. She moved away and sat against the wall behind her bed. “He was my brother.”

Loki didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t normally caught up on this side of the grieving process (what had Thor been through? Maybe (Hopefully (Hopefully not (he couldn’t decide))) he’d shaken it off easily, not affecting him in the slightest (Loki knew that was what he would believe.))

“What was he like?” Loki asked. She was so unearthly still, he wondered how he was. Was the brother a reflection of her? Or was he an opposite, the sun to her moon?

“Pietro was… he was everything.” Tears were streaming down her face now, but with her head bowed, she looked so incredibly tired “After our parents die-died,” she was wiping the tears away from her eyes, and trying to hide everything again “He was with me. We stayed together; we were… two halves of one.” She wrapped her arms around her midsection. "He would do things for me - tiny things, just to make our lives happier. He gave me my rings, and my necklace, and he would steal them, even as he bullets would fly right above his head. I thought – with him I would never be alone. He was everything. And now he’s gone. And it’s my fault.” Something twisted there, and she was collapsing inward, drawing every limb of hers closer and closer. Loki could feel her magic against the top of his mouth, an almost scalding fire that tasted of jasmine and sunflower and cypress and rue and peony.

“How did he die?” He asks. She winces at his tone, and he carefully hides his jerk backwards. The taste of peony is stronger now, with cypress pressing on his tongue.

“Ultron.” Her voice is cold. “He died with Sokovia.” She jerked backwards, before settling into the bed. “Sometimes I think he would have wanted that; he would have wanted to perish with his country. It was a good death.” Her magic is snapping now, a bright agitated thing, and he’s so afraid that it will try to hurt someone. His tongue is on a sort of phantom fire, pain without pain. He has to be careful, but he doesn’t know how to.

“Then if Ultron killed him” he says carefully “You couldn’t have.”

“I did though.” She said. Rue was against his teeth now, and whenever his tongue moved he tasted more of the bitter flavour “I put the vision in Stark’s head that made him do it. I allied with Ultron – Pietro didn’t want to, not really. If I had just run with him, run far, far away… What sort of monster kills their own brother?” Loki feels himself flinch. She cannot know. She doesn’t know. It’s fine. “Kills the last of their family?”

Loki felt himself freeze up. He swallowed once before letting a slow thought flow through his mind over and over again.

_Not Thor. Not Thor. Thor is alive, Thor is alive._

_You are so very lucky._

Thank goodness Clint was asleep.

Wanda’s magic had permuted the floor, and it was seeping through the floor. She had to contain it, wild magic was unpredictable at the best of times, and destructive at its worse. She had to contain it.

“Wanda, it’s not your fault.” His voice is gentle. His words are lies. “You made mistakes, but you never intended him to die. It’s not your fault.” She has to bring it back, and slowly, surely, he can feel the strands die at her, and the rest of her magic fades. In the end, it strikes him that she is a girl, not even of her majority, who is crying and unable to master her control.

They fall asleep in the same bed that night. Her scalding red magic was so familiar to his slithering green. As he fell into unconsciousness, he tried not to think about the familiar taste of that rue.

He didn’t succeed.

* * *

Loki kept to himself, in the next few days. She and him do not look at each other, and Loki can’t help but avoid her. What she said echoed through him, and he’s angry, but he will not show it.

She skirts around him too. Whenever she enters the room, he gives her a sharp-edged smile, and she promptly skitters out of the room. Laura gave him a disapproving frown the first time she sees it, and Loki makes sure it doesn’t happen again.

Laura seeing it, he means. Not… well.

Her magic doesn’t leak as much, thank the Norns. Clint doesn’t ask Loki about his change in behavior, and Loki doesn’t let Clint know that there wasn’t.

A few more days pass, and he feels that Clint wants to talk about it, that he wants to mention something, but Loki just… doesn’t.

So he evades, and he disappears, and whenever Clint comes to his bedroom he’s playing with Lila or Cooper, and there never really is time. Besides, Laura is very, very pregnant is that is very important, far more than his affairs could ever be.

He plays less with Lila. She makes small comments about Wanda, “She’s so cool! She showed me how to make really pretty braids!” and Loki had felt something squeeze inside him.

He plays less with Cooper. He feels his caution, his newfound tendency to measure every word before he gives them to Loki, and Loki feels something burn in his chest, at the thought that he was hiding his resentment.

He spent most of his time sitting in his room, scrolling through stories on the internet. It made him feel less like everything was in freefall, about to collapse into nothing.

* * *

There was a knock on the door, and Loki saw Clint go answer it.

It was Thor.

What in the nine realms was he doing here? He was supposed to be in Asgard – Father had always had task after task laid at their feet, how did he have the time to dawdle here? He could spot Thor’s eyes roaming the room behind Clint, and Loki felt his stomach drop before shifting into a golden-coloured dog.

“Thor, hey.” Clint said, leaning against the doorframe. “Nice to see ya, wasn’t exactly expecting though. Why you here?”

Loki ran straight into Clint’s legs, wanting to get a bit of a closer look. Thor looked down at him, before gently bringing his hand down towards his head.

_Don’t bite him, Loki._

Loki ignored him.

Thor jerked his hand back, before Loki’s canines could touch his flesh. He butted his head against Clint’s one more time, before running into the living room.

He had to know why he was here. Did Heimdall see past hiss ward? Did Odin? Did mother?

“The room you kept me in.” Thor says carefully, “May I see it?”

Clint pauses, hesitates. Loki turns his head to him.

_You didn’t._

_I did._ Clint said.

“Alright.” Clint replies. “Did you leave something behind?”

“No, no.” Thor laughs at that. “No, it’s just-” his expression crumples, and Loki feels just a smidgen of guilt, of shame, burrow into his belly. “It looked… familiar.”

Clint raised an eyebrow at him. “You came all this way to look at a room that gave you déjà vu?”

An expression crossed Thor’s face, and for the first time Loki wishes he weren’t so damned easy to read. Loki’s never seen his brother like that, face twisted and yearning and miserable, and Loki couldn’t help but turn his head away.

“Almost. In a sense… I don’t know how to say it in a way that doesn’t make me sound insane.”

“Fair enough.” Clint said. He pushed the door in, and Thor stopped. Stood. If Loki didn’t make his bed every day, he’s certain Thor would have figured it out. As it was, he was looking into the room. Loki didn’t have the same spell tomes – Midgard didn’t carry any. And he didn’t have any artifacts – Midgard was awfully lacking.

So, what was the oaf seeing?

“The bookcases – never mind.” Thor stopped, and looked at the room again. “I almost thought… but no, I’m looking for something where there isn’t anything. My apologies, Clint.”

“It’s fine.”

Loki feels relief, and guilt, and yearning. He wants to dart downstairs and wait for Thor to leave and he wants to pluck off this form and reveal who he really is, and he settles on following Thor down the stairs, into the hallways next to the door. And when Thor leaves, he feels small, and tired and miserable.

The pitch-black hair woven into Thor’s doesn’t help.

* * *

It was a small moment when Clint finally snapped.

It wasn’t even anything extraordinary – he’d pranked everyone in the house before, except, well, the children. But when Wanda woke up to find that all her rings had been stolen, Clint came up to Loki’s room and had insisted that he come to the shed.

Loki had tried to divert his attention.

“Laura needs help in the mornings!”

“I’m sure she’ll need less after this.”

“You have to take the children to school.”

“It’s a weekend.”

“Lila wanted to play something with me.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine if you’re a few minutes late.”

Loki didn’t know why he wasn’t resisting more. When they were both sitting in the shed, Clint was on his feet, almost pacing. He finally turned to him and looked Loki in the eye.

“Loki, you’ve been on edge these last few days. What has it been over?”

“I don’t know. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Clint raised an eyebrow. Loki glared back at him. He wasn’t about to back down.

“Is it Wanda?”

Loki felt his expression tighten, and he responded. “Of course, it isn’t Maximoff. Don’t be ridiculous. She’s the innocent one.”

“And you’re not?”

“Spare me my litany of misdeeds, Clint.” Loki snaps back, standing up. “I know what I’ve done.”

Clint’s features twisted, before comprehension spread across them, and Loki wanted to scratch his eyeballs out. “Loki, I'm not going to kick you out."

Loki wants to throw something at him. He glares, instead. "I could survive on my own, you know."

"I know." Clint says, half-smile twisting on his face, and Loki doesn't like the patronizing tone of his voice, the talking down to him. "I'm well aware that you're far more equipped than most people I come across. I'm not trying to... to... insult you, Loki. I'm being honest with you and hoping that maybe you'll be honest with me."

Loki turns his face away, and stares at the corner of the room. "Honesty's not in my nature."

"Horseshit." Clint says. It catches Loki off guard, and he can't help the snort that escapes his throat, before he stifles it. "Honesty is a choice, and you choose if you want to tell me what you're actually pissed about. If you don't want to, that’s fine. But I'd really you do, because I'd hate for you to think something that wasn't true, just cause you didn't bother to ask."

Clint lets that sit in the air, and Loki breathes deeply. He measures his words carefully, the next time he speaks. "Maximoff - she's easier than me. I know what I've done Clint, and it's not... it's not something forgivable."

Clint pauses for a second. "Do you think, that the idea of forgiveness is attainable? For any of us?"

Loki's eyes twist to Clint's, and he suddenly looks so old, it knocks all the breath out of Loki's chest. "What do you have that needs atonement?" His voice is sarcastic, and hard. Clint raises an eyebrow at him.

"I was a SHIELD agent for a while, Loki. There were a lot of ops that I did... stuff that after the files leaked? Found out were one hundred percent HYDRA. Mighta not seen it at the time, but the dominoes that fell when I did my job? Sleeping at night's become very difficult." Clint shifted on the seat. "And then they're Nat. She's driven to be good, and she's prolly one of the people most committed to the goal - isn't the type that'll bow down to pressure, but can get thing done under the table, stuff that the rest of the Avengers have no chance at doing. You know about her ledger." Loki can't help but wince at that. "Or Tony, hell he has a backstory and a half. But these people are my friends Loki, my friends for life. I'd consider Nat family - dunno if there's anyone in the house who wouldn't."

Loki leaned against the wall behind him. He breathes.

"There is no better or worse here – it doesn’t make sense to draw a comparison. Wanda and you are very different people, and we want you both. I'm greedy that way." Clint lets out a small grin, and Loki almost wants to return it, but it would be wobbly and broken. "We don’t expect you to be like her, and we don’t expect her to be like you. She just needs a place, and I wanted to open the house to her, like I opened it to you. And she is certainly not a replacement - we're not gonna throw you out the door cause she's here.”

Loki sneered. “I’m not so… pathetic that I think that I would worry about _that._ ” Loki turned his face to the side, looking stubbornly into a corner. Clint sighed, before sitting down next to him, and holding one hand. Loki felt awkward, he didn’t want to here, but something was squirming in his gut.

“You know how Coop’s great at building? And Lila’s decent at it, but not great?”

Loki's feels his face twist. “That’s different.”

“How?”

“Cooper and Lila – they’re your real family. You have an obligation to them – they’re your kids.”

“And you think you’re not?” There’s a trace of humour in Clint’s jawline, and there’s almost a smile there. “Do you know, that if I went up to Laura and told her that you weren’t family, that you were somehow not ‘really’ family, she’d prolly grab me by my collar and throw me out, pregnant and everything. And if anyone ever told me that, I’d drag them out, kicking and screaming.”

It’s too much all of a sudden, and Loki feels tears starting to fall. He’s looking away, trying not to let Clint see, but he’s there, and he’s solid, and Loki wants that so badly, wants it before it all flies apart.

“If it’s too much, I’ll ask her if she wants to go back to the compound, but Loki, please at least try. She’s lost everything, I don’t want her to lose this as well. But Loki, if you’re uncomfortable with her – not what we might think of you with her in the house, but with her – then I’ll make other arrangements. But it’s your choice.”

Loki is smiling, and sobbing, and its very uncomfortable, but at the end of it he feels clean and born anew.

* * *

“Maximoff.” Loki is so uncomfortable. She’s sitting in her bedroom, and he’s hanging on her door frame.

“Loki – I don’t…” Her voice cut off, and her eyes darted to a corner.

“I am here to announce an apology.” Loki said. Maximoff stared at him. “If you would like to accept it.”

“Um.” She paused again. “Yeah. Um, thank you.” Loki stands, before walking to her cabinets. He waves his hand, and one of the cabinets that had looked like solid wood was now something with a handle. Wanda pulled on it, and picked up her rings, before putting them on, one by one. Loki turned to the door, and then he heard her start speaking behind him.

“You don’t have to do it of course, but if you want to-“

He cut her off. “Want to what?”

”My gifts – I don’t… my control is…”

“Insufficient.” Loki responded, drily.

“Yes.” Her fingers curled around her wrist, and she turned back up to him. “Please. Help me. Train me.”

Loki took a breath. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” She said. Loki didn't know if he wanted to, but then he remembered the rings, and her tears, and the feeling of guilt rose up again, and he turned to her with a smile on his face.

“You won’t be so certain for long, I’m certain.”

* * *

They were training in Clint’s land. It was fairly sizable, with rolling hills and flowered garden. And Loki was training her, specifically.

Who could blame him if he was having a bit more fun with it than he should have?

Wanda was panting, collapsed backwards “Why can’t you stay still?”

Loki looked at her patronizingly “Yes. I’m sure your enemies will line up for you on the battlefield.”

She was huffing “Bastard.”

He raised a single eyebrow at her “At least I’m standing.” He walks through the meadow, long robes swishing behind him.

She glared at him, before coating herself in her red and throwing herself at him. Well, his illusion.

“Poorly done.” Loki’s illusion said. “Your attack was obvious, the form was weak, and I had more than enough time to formulate a workaround.”

“Ba-” she was trying so hard to catch her breath “-stard.”

“Vary your insults a little, please.” Loki’s illusion calmly replied, “The same one gets boring after a while.”

She was glaring at him again, before driving a force of her magic into the ground. He had to shift from an earthworm into a crow, and he shot out of the ground. His illusion quirked the edge of his lips “Well done. Now, let’s see if you can hit me midair.” Wanda bit her lip, before shooting a ball of her magic towards him. Loki rolled his eyes in his bird form, and the apparition was looking at her carefully “why did you do that?”

“Do what?” She nearly yelled at him.

“Throw your magic. It responds to your will. If you will it to curve, it will curve. If you want it to appear out of midair, it will appear out of midair. It is your magic, your seidr, and so long as you have the energy and the imagination, it can do anything.” She was looking up at him, fascination etched on her face. “Now, try again. Curve it this time. Your magic is not a bullet, or an arrow. Cease to treat it as such.”

She took a breath in, before letting it out. She slowly stood up, and the glowing ball came to life. She flicked it at him, and crow-Loki dodged. It went straight. She flicked her finger again, and this time, it curved wildly off course, into a nearby tree. Over and over again, she flicked her tiny balls at him, and they’d either go straight, or curve wildly off course, never hitting their supposed target. He could see her frustration, her anger.

A couple of tries later, she collapsed “I can’t” she panted. “It won’t listen. It wanted to do what it wants to do, and it won’t listen to anything else.”

“Then,” Loki said, voice with a tiny sliver of impatience “learn control.” She shot a look at him. He stared passively back, before letting himself drop onto the floor “Your magic isn’t you, but it isn’t not you either. You have to accept it, like you have to accept everything else about yourself to be able to use your gifts to their fullest potential.”

“I don’t know how.” She groaned. “I was not born with this.” Her voice grows softer, more contemplative. “Sometimes it feels like, like there’s something else inside of me, that it is some sort of wild, almost malicious force, and I don’t know if I control it or it controls me. I don’t know how much is me and how much _isn’t_.”

“Well that’s an easy question to answer.” Loki almost rolled his eyes. Almost. “Your magic is you – but it’s free of inhibitions, free of control. It is what you want, more than anything else, without anything clouding it. Not your worldview, not your morals, maybe not even the people you love.”

“And it does what it wants?” Wanda sounds horrified.

“Not if you control it.” Loki responds. “Not if you grasp it by the horns and direct it.”

Wanda exhales once, before her face went as hard as marble. “Okay.” She responded “Okay.” She looked up at him, determination etched on her face “I will control it.”

Loki grinned. He saw the slightest bit of fear slide through her expression, before she straightened her back again.

This would be fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanda's here! I'm so excited, she's one of my favorite characters!  
> Also, Loki's going through a bit of a transition here - he's worried that the same thing that happened with his Asgardian family will happen here, that he'll be overshadowed and disregarded. Not the situation aren't exactly congruous, but he feels like Wanda is just "better" - she doesn't have as much blood on her hands, her brother died, she's an orphan, and he feels he's being left to the wayside. That of course, isn't true - they are very different characters, though they do share some big similarities. Plus, Thor being there really doesn't help, especially with the context that Thor's mourning his brother while Wanda's mourning her's, but that means they're brothers, which means something, and Loki really doesn't like it.  
> Part of the reason that he reaches out to Wanda is that he sees pieces of himself there - not what he is now, of course, but what he was a long time ago. There's also a sense that if he helps Wanda he helps Thor, however irrational that is... anyways, Loki's a mess this chapter, and I don't know how well I communicated that, but yeah.  
> Also, writing that Clint and Loki scene was so difficult, and I still feel like Loki was a bit out of character, because he's so used to distracting away from the main point, that every time Clint would make even a bit of headway, he'd try to turn it to something else. This largely seems to stem from, again how Odin and Thor and Frigga reacted to complaints about family members - the feeling at he was screaming into a void. Thor, I think, lacked the self awareness for a long time that there was anything wrong. If he didn't see it, then he didn't exist, which meant Loki must be lying. And Loki's reputation wasn't great for that either. Odin wouldn't accept any critique either - he's both too prideful and too terrified to admit to making a mistake, and he would much rather pretend it didn't exist, and bury it - he has the self awareness to know what's going on, but not the bravery to do anything about it. On Frigga, I think that in large part would try to sooth things over - tell Loki he was validated, tell him that his family cared - but it wouldn't really work out because nothing would change, because both Odin and Thor would have a similar reaction most of the time - albeit far more respectful, cause she's Frigga. Thor would presume Loki was lying to her and Odin would carry on running from his problems. Plus, Loki isn't exactly open emotionally - he internalizes things very easily, without giving any leeway. Basically, its a respite for a family that is woeful at communication.  
> Anyways, hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	14. Chapter 14

Wanda was exhausted.

Loki had brought her out back again. He threw her a knife which she caught, and asked him _What’s this?_ He smirked and grabbed a blindfold and tying it around her head responded with _Get one cut on me._ Wanda felt panic stream through her, before a fist collided with her side. It wasn’t as hard as it could have been, but she wasn’t expecting it, and she was knocked onto the floor.

“Use your magic Wanda.”

She didn’t know how. What was she supposed to do with this?

“Use your magic to find me Wanda.” Loki’s voice has a note of glee to it, and Wanda feels furious. She sends a ripple of magic out, lets it soak into the ground, but there is no sound, no noise of when Loki hit it.

“Wanda. I can fly. You are going to have to do better than that.”

Wanda wants to punch him in his jaw. She doesn’t even know where the bastard is.

A thought flew into her head, before something collided with her side. It was small, feathery, and Wanda hated that trick.

“Wanda, this is boring.”

She gritted her teeth, before letting out a sphere of magic. The form was hard to hold, and she tried to think of it as a shield, like the shields they had worked on. A dome, protecting her from everything.

“Clever.” His waspish voice seemed to be right beside her, and she threw a punch at it. “But limited. How long can you hold this up?”

Wanda gritted her teeth. She held the magic there, forced the wild cracking thing to protect, to stay still. It didn’t want to, it wanted to fly into ash, but she had to control it. Before he could land another hit on her, she let out another dome of magic from inside out. Again, she didn’t hear any sign that it hit him. His laugh was right next to her ear.

She waited. Loki would find a way around it, she was certain. She waited. Then she waited.

“Aren’t you going to do anything?” She asked.

“I am.” He said. “Can you tell me what?”

His voice had adopted that tone, the same tone she sometimes took when talking to Vision about his tendency to keep the cooker on for too long when he was cooking something. She forced herself to think. The dome was becoming harder and harder to hold up, harder to force her magic to maintain, and the extra she had poured into it had not helped matters.

She was weakening, she realized. The shield was harder and harder to maintain.

“You are wearing me down.” She said, accusation in her tone.

“Not quite,” he said “But close. I am waiting for you to wear yourself down.”

“So, this is an exercise in control then?”

“No.” Loki’s voice is amused now. She wanted to punch him. “The goal is the same as always. To land a hit on me.”

“I don’t even know where you are.” Wanda doesn’t know what to do. “How can I hit you?” She almost forgot the dagger in her hand.

“Find me then.” His voice is flippant, but there is a trace of something in his voice.

_Find me then…_

Wanda speaks slowly, carefully “My magic cannot see.”

“Your magic cannot.” Loki’s voice is in quiet agreement.

“So how can I use it to see?”

Loki doesn’t respond for a few minutes. Wanda strains under the load of the shield, and she wants to drop it so badly. “Do you know how bats ‘see’? They do have tradition sight, of course, but they have another sense beyond that.”

Wanda doesn’t understand. She throws her memory back, to memories of when she was young and her mama would sit her down and tell her stories. She thought, and thought, while trying to hold up the barrier, and without hr looking for it, a stray memory catches her.

It was when she was with Hydra-SHIELD. There was an officer – he was a bit more friendly than most of the guards so when Pietro had asked him about how the submarines see at the bottom of the sea, in the dark, she remembered his reply.

“They use waves of sound, and when they bounce back, they can read it. How far it went, and if it was interrupted. Bats are similar.” His voice was slightly scornful when he resumes “You didn’t learn that in school?”

Wanda takes her red, and forces it above the ground, loops it up and around. It hits something, she can feel it, and when she does, she darts forwards, and lands a single knife blade against his arm.

She removes her blindfold and beams. Loki gives her an indulgent smile, before sitting back onto a rock. His voice is that of a teacher again.

“My magic isn’t useful because it’s particularly powerful.” Loki rolled his eyes. “I mean, it is more than most, but what truly puts me aside as a mage is the way I use it.” He looks her dead in the eye “You are powerful already, however you think of your magic as a tool or weapon, as a physical object that must be rammed into other thing to be useful. You use your magic as a battering ram through every door, while forgetting that you could also make a key.”

“So,” Wanda feels like she’s slowly feeling around to something “you did not do it to force me to learn control, but to learn how to think.”

A small smile crosses Loki’s lips “Yes.” He says. “And if you can do that, then you can forge a key to most doors since you have the versatility you need. Then, when the day comes that a door cannot be knocked down, you can still have it open.”

Wanda swallows, before holding her magic again. The red is amazing, sometimes. She doesn’t know what she might be able to do with it – every time she thinks there’s a limit, she can do something else.

“I want you to hit that tree. Face me.” Loki instructs.

Wanda does. She sends out the red, and she feels the magic – feels it coursing through her veins, red and hot, like liquid fire. She allows it to turn, allows it mobility through the air, and it swerves into a tree.

She smiles.

* * *

 

They’re on a picnic.

Wanda thinks it’s odd – why eat outside when you have a table and a place to stay? – but the sun is slowly setting and there are birds chirping, and she thinks she understands a little. Loki is one of those birds, and Cooper has a net in his hands, but every time he gets close, Loki twists and the net misses by inches. Laura and Clint are cooking something on the grill, and Lila is sitting in her lap, storybook in hand.

“On Saturday, he ate through one piece of chocolate cake, one ice-cream cone, one pickle, one slice of swiss cheese, one slice of salami…”

Wanda looks down before continuing “One lol-li-pop,” She sounds the word out nice and slow, before continuing “one piece of cherry pie, one saus-age” Those two she knew, Mama used to make sausages back at home, and she used to goggle at the pastries in the bakery. “One-”

Cooper throws the net at them “I got it!” Wanda stops it abruptly with her red, before opening it up and watching Loki fly out of it.

“Cooper!” Clint yells at him. “don’t throw things at your sister!”

Cooper winced, before walking next to them. Loki shifts, before staring down Cooper, and Cooper looks back with a bit of contrition. “I’m sorry, I really wanted to show you that I caught Loki.”

Lila turns her nose up. “You don’t have to be mean about it.”

Wanda and Loki looked at each other, before rolled their eyes at the sibling’s dramatic, as Cooper gets his back up, and says “I already said sorry! And it didn’t even hit you!”

Lila pouted before turning her face into Wanda’s chest. Wanda allowed her to stay there for a second, snuggling into her chest, before putting the book away.

“Come on, let’s show them how we play.” Lila gave her a smile, and Wanda heaved her up. Lila grabbed another net out of the bin. Loki smiles, and Wanda felt herself shrink, all the way down, until she was a small bird. Loki flitted downwards, until he was perched right next to her, and Wanda used her red to push off the ground, just as Loki took flight.

Lila took out the net and swung towards Loki, just as he twisted out of the way. He used his talons to grab onto Wanda, and he flew her a tad bit higher, until she was high enough to look straight into Cooper’s eyes, and he swung his net before she pushed away. Loki was nearly caught in the middle of it, but he managed to plunge towards the ground, before landing and taking off again. Wanda wanted to flap her wings, but she was not good enough at flight yet to ensure that she wouldn’t fall towards the ground.

“Alright, alright, that’s enough, come on kids, dinner’s ready.”

Wanda felt herself grow, felt her limbs elongate, and soon, she and Loki swung Lila and Cooper onto their shoulders. There were burgers for lunch, and Clint put them on buns, layers with cheese and lettuce and tomatoes and olives. Cooper grimaced before plucking the tomatoes out, and Wanda could hear Laura’s cajoling for her son to finish her meal.

“Chaotic, isn’t it?” Clint says wryly.

“Yes.” Wanda says. Her head is spinning just a bit, and she feels full, like she’s been poured to the rim and a couple droplets are sitting, barely balanced on the edge.

Clint laughed. “I know what’s it’s like.” He said kindly. “You’ll get more used to it in time.”

“Mhm.” She looks out at Cooper, trying to pull his tomatoes out of his burger, and Lila, who was trying to sneak those tomatoes into her burger. Laura gave the two of them a look, which they promptly ignored, and kept the trade going, until she stormed over and put them both two meters away from each other. The two siblings rolled their eyes at her, before Cooper threw a slice straight into Lila’s mouth and Wanda stifled a laugh as Clint turned to the kids, wondering what she had seen.

Wanda felt a smile stretch across her face.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I could get used to it.”

Laura looked a bit uncomfortable, before she made eyes at Clint. He walked over, and Wanda heard them talking in hushed tones. Loki was suddenly right next to her, burger in hand.

“I hadn’t thought you’d eat something like that.”

“Didn’t you?” Loki smirked. He pointed his chin at Laura. “The baby’s coming.”

Wanda felt her heart stop. “What.” Her eyes met his. “How do you know?”

He smirked again, before poking Wanda on the shoulder. Except – no, she didn’t feel it. It turned bright green, and she gaped at him.

“Oh, don’t look so startled.” He rolled his eyes. “Remember seeing?”

Wanda doesn’t understand for a half a second, before she lets out a wave of magic, as thin and unsubstantial as a spider’s web. She catches the children of course – and Clint and Laura – but the odd thing is that there’s something right next to the couple, and of course it’s Loki.

He smirks, before returning to his burger. Meanwhile, Clint looked at all of them before saying “Alright then, everyone pack up, we’re going to the car. Nate’s decided to come a week early.”

Silence echoed through the field for a second before everything burst into action. Wanda is herding the kids together, Clint is on the cellphone, and Loki is next to Laura helping her sit down. She feels stunned – the child is coming.

Clint puts the phone down. “We’ll need to get you to the hospital.”

“Right away?” Laura doesn’t look anything besides mildly uncomfortable, but she also looks as steady as a mountain.

“Yeah.” Clint said. “They said its not necessarily a rush, but it would be best if you were there.” Clint isn’t anxious yet, but he’s starting to pace next to the car.

Laura nodded, and Wanda was just staring. Loki elbowed her gently.

“We must put some of the items back into the car. Come.”

Wanda slowly carried the barbecue to the car, while Clint fastened Laura in.

“Wanda, Wanda!” Lila was tugging on her shoulder.

“Yes Lila?”

“What’s wrong?” She was pointed at Laura and Clint. “Why’re we leaving?”

“We have to go to the hospital.” Wanda said gently. “Your baby brother is ready to come out.”

Lila pouted. “Can’t he be ready later?”

“No Lila.” Wanda said. “No, he can’t. Get In the car and take your brother too.” Cooper was being shockingly proactive, he had already packed up all their food, and Loki was hauling it into the car. Wanda and Lila swung in, and then they were off.

* * *

 

After they drop Clint and Laura off at the hospital, Loki takes the drivers seat with firm instruction to be careful on the ride home. He knows. Clint had stressed it time and time again to him when he was teaching him.

The kids are restless, and the questions aren’t stopping anytime soon.

“When’s Mom and Dad coming back?”

“When the baby’s out.” Loki feels this is obvious. Lila does not.

“Are we gonna get to hold the baby?” Cooper’s voice seems somewhat awed, and his voice is rushed.

“I don’t care about the baby.” Lila says stubbornly. “I want Mom.”

“Your mama needs some time in the hospital.” Wanda’s voice is gentle. “Just give them a few hours.”

“Alright.” Lila grumbles. The sun is setting, and Loki will have to put the kids to bed when they get home. Wanda is anxious, hands tapping at each other, and Loki almost wants to grab them to make them stop, because he’s anxious because she’s anxious, and he doesn’t even know what she’s anxious about.

When they pull into the driveway, the kids climb out. Wanda preps dinner – Laura has been trying to teach him to cook, but its been a mostly-failing endeavor. But he can make Mac and Cheese. He cooks it alongside whatever she’s making – she sets the plate, and he sets his besides her, and the two of them finish everything that’s on their plate. The kids are restless – Lila’s coloring is more aggressive than normal, and Cooper doesn’t go to sleep before Loki picks him up and drops him into his bed.

“Loki!” He says. Lila’s in the next room over, with Wanda trying to get the girl to sleep. When they do, Wanda collapses on the couch. She flips through the Barton’s movie selection.

“You should go to bed, all things considered.” Loki sees her pluck something out of the box.

“Clint would never let us watch something scary.” Wanda replied. “This is out only chance. Don’t waste it.”

Loki felt as though this was a vaguely bad idea, but he also was curious. Wanda started the DVD, and they sat back and watched. He watched the film, marveling at the clown and the children’s remarkable stupidity, before feeling Wanda against his shoulder and feeling his own self slowly drift off, until he fell to the couch.

* * *

 

Loki woke up in the middle of the night.

He was on the couch, and Wanda was leaning over next to him. She was strewn across the couch, and Loki doesn’t know why he woke up, until he feels a small film of worry spread over his mind and grind his senses to a halt.

_Clint? Is anything wrong?_

_Not yet._ He shot back. _Its just… taking a long time._ Clint pushes an image of Laura, lying back against the cot. _The doctors are thinking about going into C-section. Dunno what’s gonna happen._

_Want me to come there?_

_Nah._ Clint says, almost too quickly. _We’re good, for now. Get some sleep, Loki, I’ll tell you if you need to wake up later._

 _Fine._ Loki replied, before closing off the connection. He tried to get comfy on the sofa again but failed. The damned thing was awkward to sleep in, and he had a slight tick in his back. He stood up, stretched, and picked up Wanda. She didn’t wake up, thankfully, and he dumped her in her bedroom before leaving for his bed and falling asleep, quickly and quietly.

* * *

 

The first thing Loki does when he wakes up is feel out Clint. _How did it go?_

 _Perfectly._ Clint sounded… elated. _The baby’s perfect, Loki, he’s gorgeous._

There is something rippling through the bond, a feeling of joy and awe and attachment that’s almost overwhelming.

_Do you want me to bring the kids?_

_Yeah._ Clint seemed… barely coherent to what Loki was saying. _Bring them. You and Wanda too. He’s wonderful, Loki._

_Only the fifteenth time you’ve told me._

The drive back is far less tense, with Cooper shouting question after question at Loki, and Lila sulking in the backseat. Loki tried to respond to all of Cooper’s questions the best he could, but he didn’t know. Clint hadn’t told him as much as the child wanted to know. Lila kept staring out a window, and Loki feels something spark in his gut.

When they get there, Wanda and Loki heard the kids to the hospital door. Clint’s waiting for them outside, and he tells the secretary to let them in. They’re walking down a clean white hallway before stopping at a door. He knocks, twice, and Laura speaks up first. “Come in! Bring all the kids!” There is something gentle in her tone, and something exhausted, and Loki really wants to see the infant. The children run inside first, with Wanda hesitating, and Loki rolled his eyes before grabbing her hand and dragging them both inside. _Honestly,_ she’d been here this long, and Laura had asked for her, what was she thinking?

Laura looked exhausted, and the first thing that Cooper and Lila do is run up to her, poking her belly.

“Mom’s tummy!” Cooper exclaims. Laura lets out a tired laugh before she squeezes the children’s hands.

“Yep.” She said, wryly. “Mom’s tummy’s small now.”

Clint plucks the bundle from Laura’s hands, and cradles it close to him. Loki just feels his heart beating as he steps slowly to him.

A small hand escapes the bundle and wraps around Loki’s finger. He’d bewildered for a second – the grip is surprisingly strong, and he can’t extract his finger from its grip. Wanda is coming up behind him, and she tickles under the baby’s chin. It opens its eyes, and lolls its head, before letting go of Loki’s finger.

He’s gorgeous. A little skinny – his limbs looked almost misshapen – but nevertheless, the child was beautiful. Wanda clearly thinks so – she’s cooing at it, even though Loki’s certain the child’s asleep. She walks over to Laura just as the kids look to Clint. He laughs at their question, before sitting down and letting them see the boy.

Loki’s eyes come back to Laura. “You look exhausted.”

“Well,” She said, “Childbirth will do that to you. Could you get me a cup of water?”  Loki fetched it, before pressing it into her hand. She drank it all, before giving the glass back and settling back. He saw her eyes flutter, before her breath went even again.

The baby was in Cooper’s hands now – he was sitting the chair next to Clint, and he was carefully supporting the head and shoulders. If Loki looked closely, he could see small threads of red wrapping around his midsection, Wanda ready if the baby fell. Lila was still holding her mothers hand, studying her mother’s face for something.

“Hello.” Loki said, sitting next to her. Lila looked up to him, before putting out a hand. Loki slipped his hand into hers.

“Cooper cares a lot about the new baby, doesn’t he?” Lila’s voice is prickly, but she doesn’t do it very well. Part of Loki wants to pull away, but he feels – she reminds him. The reflection is startling, and unpleasant, and he doesn’t want to deal with it right now.

He glances to Clint, who has his hands on the baby, and Cooper who’s holding him, and Wanda, who’s watching, unsure. Loki sighs, before running a finger over Lila’s tiny knuckles.

“Yeah.” He says. “It’s odd, isn’t it? That there’s someone else there, and you’re scared, because that means things will… change. And not for the better.”

“Yeah.” Lila’s eyes are still on the baby. “I don’t... I don’t want things to be different. I like you and Cooper and Wanda and Mom and Dad and Auntie Nat.” Loki feels for her. He knows and he doesn’t like it, the reflection, that he’d behave as a child, an actual child.he feels slightly stupid, staring at the young girl, but he also feels like he needs to do something.

Loki twisted his hands. “You know how I have magic?”

“Yeah?”

“And Wanda also has magic?”

“Yeah?” Lila has her face cocked at him and he lets his lips quirk into a grin.

“Would you want Wanda instead of me? Or me instead of Wanda?”

Lila’s eyes widened, and she turned to him. “No!”

“Well, it’s the same thing. The baby won’t be a new Lila, you’re still Lila. The baby is just the baby.”

“But everyone’s gonna care more about the baby now!” Lila cried. “Mummy’s been talking so much about him and Cooper’s been so excited, and Dad has been working on the new room, and even you and Wanda have been talking so much about him! They’re naming him after Auntie Nat!”

Clint’s eyes dart up, and Lila stops. She flushes, and Loki freezes for just a second – he doesn’t know what to do. He looks to Clint, and he tilts his head back, before taking the child out of Cooper’s hands and pressing him into Wanda’s. Loki pats Lila on the back, and quietly says. “Your dad wants to talk to you.” She looks up, before turning her head away.

Loki escapes, before Clint takes his place. He sits next to the baby, and Cooper. Cooper is still looking down, fascinated, and Wanda is rocking the child gently.

“How is he?” Wanda still has her eye fixated on the boy.

“Asleep, still.” She has one hand around his head and moves him so she can see his face.

Loki nods, before putting his arms out. He replaced one of Wanda’s hands with his own, the strings of red wrapped around the boy. The other arm holds the boy’s bottom. He moves him back and forth for a little bit, the black hair tickling his palm.

“Lila?”

“Mhm?” Lila’s avoiding his eyes.

“What do you think about the baby?”

“He’s cool.” Lila mumbles. She’s fidgeting, her hands tugging on her fingers. “Cute.”

“Lila.” He injects a bit of gentleness into his tone, a bit of warmth. “You haven’t even seen him yet.”

She flushes bright red, before mumbling something.

“What’s wrong?”

“Cooper told me that when I came, you kinda forgot about him.” Lila sounded… scared. Afraid. "Will you to the same thing to me?" Clint felt his heart stop.

How did he screw up? He hadn’t known – something was off here. He’d have to ask, see if Cooper had been – it had been a stressful time, right after Lila’s birth, but Clint hadn’t screwed up that badly, he hadn’t thought.

Clint chose his words carefully when he started speaking again. “Lila.. I’m sorry if your brother told you that he though we forgot about him. We didn’t – just a new baby takes a lot of time to handle, and I was struggling with some things having to do with Loki at the time. Plus, there was the attack on New York – it made a lot of things really hard. That being said.” He saw Lila turn away and pulled her back softly. “We should have paid more attention to him. I promise that we aren’t going to forget about you – but we will need a bit more understanding when we’re getting used to having your little brother around the house.” He moved some hair away from her face. “Can I have your help with him?”

Lila paused before bursting into tears and putting her face in his chest. “Yes.”

“Wonderful.” Clint said. “Come on. I want to see you carry him.”

Lila toddled in front of him, before sitting next to Loki. Loki’s green eyes flitted to her’s and he carefully pressed the child into hers. Clint took her little hands in his and showed her how to carry Nate as she held him. She was grinning at him – she pressed a tony kiss to her forehead. Clint grinned, and Loki’s grin met his. Wanda still had her eyes stuck on Nate’s.

Clint looked to Loki, and he wrapped his arms around Nate. Clint looked carefully, before determining that yes, the child was stable, and he settled next to Wanda.

“You know how we’re naming him after Natasha?”

Wanda nodded. “She’s the godmother, no?”

“Yeah.” Clint said. “We were think about his middle name – we hadn’t had anything concrete, not yet. We were thinking – your brother.”

For a second, she seemed shocked. “My brother?” Wanda looked like she had her limbs caught in midair. Her red dropped to the ground.

“Yeah.” Clint said. “If you want to say no, then we’ll not. It’s your call. But if you want – even just time to think about it-”

“Yes.” Wanda says, abruptly. “Yes. I think he’d like that. He’d like that a lot.”

Clint put an arm around him, and she let tears fall. She turned her head away and Clint let her shake, as she cried. He felt a couple tears of his own fall, for the kid that really should have been here, but wasn’t.

“Baby Pietro.” Wanda said. “Pietro would have been – he’d have thought it funny. That he would have a baby named after him.”

“Yeah.” Clint said, throat tight. “He would have. Your brother was a funny kid.”

Wanda nodded. She gulped, before meeting his eyes with her wet ones.

“Thank you.” She said fervently.

“Aw, shucks.” Clint replied, trying to moderate his voice. “Nothing to thank me about.” She wiped her face with her sleeve, and Clint let his voice go gentle again. “You know that, right? Wanda, you don’t owe us for this. We love having you at the house, all of us do.”

Wanda let out a wet laugh, before curling her fingers around his. Nate woke up, with a cry, and Loki and Lila started before Clint swept up to pluck the baby out of their hands.

“Alrighty then, you two, I’m gonna need you to get the bottle over there.”

“Aw, Dad.” Lila said, and Cooper rolled his eyes. Wanda snatched the bottle from the table with her red, before giving it to him. Clint smiled, and he fed the kid.

Nathaniel was adorable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki teaching is distinctly a combination between Severus Snape (except, you know, without as much maliciousness) and Kakashi (weird reference, but the throw-them-into-a-situation and see-how-they-cope? That’s where I got how that would actually work.) The picnic (and everything after that) didn’t happen in the first writing of the fic – this was originally just a Wanda & Loki thing, but I wanted a Wanda & Clint thing so badly, and then I really wanted a Nathenial-gets-born scene, and it all tied together.
> 
> Also, There was originally a loud an surprising scene where Lauara like “ahhhhh” but then I realized that shes done this twice before, she knows what’s going on, Laura’s going to be able to keep her head, and she’s not going to make a big scene in front of the kids (biological or otherwise) 
> 
> For the birth – I imagine that it took roughly 8-9 hours (do I obsess over exact details? yes) but (from what I’ve heard!) having other kids at the hospital is really stressful. That’s the main reason for sending them home – getting them someplace else so Laura (and to some extent, Clint) can focus on the birth.  
> Also, Loki is projecting so much. Like, all the projecting. Lila’s concerns, while familiar, are not the same as his, because while he’s worried because of replacement, she’s worried about being ignored. It’s a little difference that comes out of Lila’s certainty about her position in the family, and Loki’s certainty that his is not. That dissonance is interesting to write, because no Loki, it’s not all about you. 
> 
> Sorry this took a while! It's finally done though, so huzzah!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers took, HYDRA reasons, so now they must take back

It was the middle of the night, like any other night, and Clint hadn’t expected things to go horribly, horribly wrong.

Except they did.

They come quickly, and they come quietly, and by the time Clint was armed, Wanda already been dragged out of the house.

She screams into the dark, and Clint doesn’t know why she isn’t struggling, except then he does, because the magic restraints they had had on Loki’s wrists back in New York were now clamped tight around her wrists, and she screams before one of them hit her in the head. He activates the security, the call for the Avengers, and some of the remnants of SHEILD, and he’s running, grabbing the bow he’d been making for the kids to practice with and aiming an from his bedside to one of the figures running around in the dark. He heard a body collapse to the floor just as a wave of not-his-fury runs through him and Loki’s diving out before Clint can tell him anything, and Clint shoots the three guys near Wanda but the fourth raises her above him, and dammit, Clint can’t get a clear shot, not with the bastard moving Wanda around like… like… some sort of doll.

A knife enters the goon’s back, and he falls to the ground, dead, and Clint is jumping out of the house, firing. Loki is some sort of scaled creature that Clint’s pretty sure is a dragon and he’s trying to cover for him but then somehow, Clint can’t quite get a clear view, but someone gets a syringe in Loki, and Clint panics, and he’s running, but he gets a shot to the chest and his limbs turn to jelly. He manages to grab a single arrow out of his quiver and he aims and fires, and he misses without missing as the tip of the arrow sinks into Loki’s skin. He feels the tiniest flicker of something against his skin, and he’s knocked back into the house. The goons come towards him, but there are only a handful of them left and something explodes and Clint sees his wife holding a grenade launcher and they scatter as his vision blurs and then turns black.

* * *

He dreams, and when he does, he dreams of cold white walls, of seeing Wanda with an IV strapped to her arm, liquids running through it in all sorts of chemicals. He feels wrung out, and a sort of wild, uncontrollable panic that isn’t his, but might as well be.

* * *

He wakes up alone. The house is a wreck – Lila and Cooper are hunched over him, and his eyes meet Laura’s. She gives he a look. He gives her a grim expression.

They have their backpacks out and in the car in about two minutes. The kids want to know where Loki and Wanda are – he doesn’t know if he can explain it and drive, but they have to move, he doesn’t know if they’ll be back to finish the job before the Avengers get here. Driving through the middle of the night isn’t ideal, but he’s kept awake with his worry.

_Loki, can you hear me? Loki?_

Loki, Wanda, Loki, Wanda, Loki, Wanda…

* * *

Clint is listening.

Every now and again, something slips through the bonds.

_Clint?_

_Loki. Loki! I’m here. Are you – are you hurt?_

_Potentially. Not maybe not?_ Loki paused for a second. _I don’t… everything’s ashy, I don’t know…_

Silence.

* * *

_Me and the family went on a picnic. Holly took Logan and Wendy for a trip. They put up a bit of a fuss, but eventually she convinced him._

Natasha could read between the lines.

“Well, look, Clint’s fine. Stop worrying.”

“He isn’t. On a picnic – that’s our codeword.”

“For?” Thor’s voice rumbled out. Natasha had to catch them all up, eventually, but better Clint do it. She took a breath, before launching into an explanation.

“The house being attacked. Holly is Hydra. Wendy is Wanda.” Steve lets out a curse at that. “Logan is another superpowered friend of ours. We have to head to Clint’s place – if anyone knows where they might be, it’s Clint.”

Tony looked at her, before turning to the house. “Isn’t this Clint’s place? Dunno about you, but he doesn’t exactly seem to be rolling in cash.”

Natasha looked up and spoke “We’re spies, Tony, we’re as paranoid as they come. We’re going to Clint’s second safehouse.”

* * *

Clint feels Loki coming conscious through the bond, and it tickles in the back of his head and he feels relief and terror mingling in his veins because Loki isn't awake, not properly.

_Loki?_

_It hurts, Clint. I feel… numb. Something’s wrong, Clint._

_It’s alright. It’s alright Loki, you won’t be there for long._

_Clint they’re hurting her, they’re hurting me – oh Norns. They have a knife, they’re using it on her, Clint, they’re using the same one on me, there’s a cut down my arm, there’s a syringe. I don’t know what they’re doing, Clint. There wearing masks, and there's blood on their gloves, and the blood's on my skin... I think its her's._

_It’ll be okay bud, I swear we’re gonna find you._

_They won't stop looking for us, Clint. They can track her magic - do you know they call it a signature? It's almost funny._

Clint feels a wave of pain run through the bond, before another before another before another before…

Silence.

* * *

Clint was panicked. He was waiting for Loki to wake up – he hadn’t yet, not properly. Laura was prolly inside fussing over Nathaniel, and the kids were up watching Frozen on the TV.

“Daddy?”

Dammit. How was he gonna explain this to Lila, to Cooper? The house as safe, he’d promised – it was hidden away in the middle of nowhere where noone could find it and yet they did, they did and they took part of his family, and Clint felt liquid rage run through him but Lila was terrified and Cooper was scared so he had to _explain._

“Where’s Wanda and Loki? Are they okay?” Lila’s lip was trembling. She looked like she already knew the answer, and Cooper was shaking like he did too.

Clint turned around, before settling on the steps leading out of the room. Lila and Cooper drifted closer to him, and he brought them into his arms. “Lila, baby, you know how Wanda and Loki can do magic?”

“Yeah?” He lets his eyes go from Lila to Cooper, drifting back and forth.

“Well the bad men that broke into out house wanted to learn how to do magic. So, they want to make Wanda and Loki show them how to.”

“But Mister Loki said that you have to already be able to do magic?” Cooper’s eyes were big and scared and he was trying to hide it, but Clint felt his own terror lance through him, under the searing hot rage.

“Usually Coop. But sometimes people bend the rules by doing some very bad things.”

Lila turned her head away, before she wiped at her eye “When are they coming back?”

Clint wanted to give her a solid answer, but the most he could tell her was “I don’t know baby, I just don’t know yet.”

Lila was sniffling. He hugged her, before he put his arms around Cooper and brought them both in tight to his chest.

“Dad?”

“Yeah Cooper?”

“Are you gonna try to find them?”

Clint brought Cooper into their hug “Of course Cooper. Of course. But I’m waiting for the Avengers to come, so you guys are protected too.”

Cooper trembled for a moment “Promise you’ll come back Dad.”

Clint looked at Cooper and Lila, before giving them both a peck on the forehead. “I promise.”

* * *

A high-pitched reedy sound echoed through Clint’s ear.

_Loki, you still alright?_

_Depends..._ His thoughts scattered, and Clint feels another pulse of worry run through him. _Depends on how you define alright. I’m drugged – do you know they have the same cuffs Thor put on me?_

_No. No, I didn’t._

_Do you think Thor gave them – the cuffs – to them?_

_I don’t think so._ Clint’s heart was pounding. This was not good. This was so not good. _Loki, hang tight, I swear I’m coming to get you._

 _Don’t come on your own. That’d be incredibly… stupid._ There was a pause there again, and Clint felt Loki trying to block him. The fact that he couldn’t made fear pulse inside of Clint.

_Fine, Nat’ll come too. Just hold on, trying to find a plane ticket last moment is… hard._

_Alright. It’s... guarded. Secure._ There was that pause again. _I need… Are you sure that Thor didn’t give them the cuffs?_

 _Yeah. Yeah, I’m sure._ Clint hesitated. _Loki, I don’t want to risk not having enough manpower._ He would bring everyone anyways, he wasn’t leaving this up to chance, but hopefully…

Loki was hovering, wavering, before going hard as stone. _Bring them. Everyone. Don’t… idiot._

Clint’s heart was pounding. _Thor will know,_ he points out. Loki deserves to know this. _I’m not quite good enough to hide this from him._

 _Fine._ Loki was spacing out now, and Clint felt his heart clench. _Fine, it’s… fine._

Silence.

* * *

They sat down with the team later, and Clint was holding his breath. This was going to be a conversation and a half.

“So, what intel do we have here?” Tony was sprawled over the chair, looking at Clint, and Clint felt all jittery. He half wished that Loki could just barge in here – it would get the point across, and he wouldn’t be sitting in a HYDRA cell. Natasha nudged him, and Clint looked the Avengers in the eye.

“First of all, on the second guy, I managed to get an arrow on him. Tracking.” Clint said. The group was relaxed, calm. He tugs the base of his bow once before continuing.

“Did Natasha mention the other kidnappee?” Natasha was sitting tight faced, and Steve’s face settled into something vaguely tense. Clint braces himself, before looking at them. “Well, it’s Loki.”

Dead silence. Thor stood up, before staring him in the eyes “What.”

Tony tapped his finger rapidly before climbing to his feet “Wait which Loki? Is it like, a generic Loki? Or is it Loki-Loki? New York Loki? The mind-controlled-you-into-killing-your-friends Loki?”

Clint felt a swell of anxiousness grow inside him, and he stilled his hands, before telling them. “The mind stone gave us a bit of a telepathic connection. Before he was just stuck in his cell, but after the incident on Savalthiem,” He winced at Thor’s stricken look. “He woke up and well, we offered him a place to stay. He’s been here since.”

Vision kept up his unreadable presence in the corner of the room. “And you and Natasha never thought to inform anyone?”

“Who was there to tell?” Clint knew he was lying, but they really, really didn’t have the time. “SHEILD was gone, and you guys have personal feelings that would cloud your judgment.”

“Yeah, personal feelings from when he tried to invade New York. And killed a bunch of people. And threw me off my own Tower. Those personal feelings.”

 “The room.” Thor said. “The room – I had thought it a coincidence, or maybe something through the sceptre.”

“Turns out it was!” Tony throws his hands in the air, before tugging at his gauntlet.

“He never thought to tell me he was alive?” Thor’s stricken expression silenced the whole group. “You never did?” Anger sprouts in the last few words, and his eyes dart to Clint.  

Clint wished Loki could be the one to lay it all out – why he’d done exactly what he had done. “He was afraid you would put him back in prison, and he wasn’t really a big fan of returning to Asgard.”

Thor looked even more angry for a moment and Clint was terrified that he was going to die, before collapsing into heartbreak, and then worry and then resolve. Steve scratched the back of his neck before looking away. Tony looked at Thor, eyes darting away, before he started whispering to Vision. Vision stayed inhumanly still.

Natasha spoke up. “As much as I’d like to discuss the further, we really do need to find them. If not for Loki’s sake, then Wanda’s, and making sure HYDRA doesn’t have access to two superpowered bodies.”

“So, let’s find them.” Steve had his Captain’s face on. “Hopefully Wanda and Loki are together.”

Lightning was popping off Thor as he stood up. Rage was etched onto his face. Clint felt vicious satisfaction at his still, steady movements, at the slight pops of lightning arcing out of his skin.

Tony piped up “I feel like we should still discuss the Loki issue.”

Vision was frozen, like and insect stopped in amber. “Not now. After, maybe. Wait. Let us find them first.”

Tony rolled his eyes “Fine, fine, we’ll find Reindeer Games and the little witch, before we tackle the Loki Issue. Deal?”

“Yes.” Thor looked elemental, like if the clouds and lighting and thunder had taken a form, and Clint felt a flash of understanding for the vikings, back in the day - looking at that was horrifying and awe-inspiring in equal measure.

“Then what are we waiting on?”

* * *

“Where are we going?” Nat was loading her gun, while putting ammo into the Quinjet.

"Small town in Missouri. Eagleville."

"How'd you know?" She was checking his arrows, making sure they were all in good condition, while he looked at the ammo bag and her guns. She grabbed his bow, before tightening a screw on his scope. He dumped another few rounds of pistol ammo in there from a false cabinet.

“I put a tracker on him.”

“Did he know?”

Clint gave her a disbelieving look “Of course.”

“How?” Nat asked, curiosity in her tone.

“During the firefight, I shot him with an arrow that inserts a tracker into his skin, and that’s really, really hard to miss.” Clint grimaces “Its not perfect, but you gotta do what you gotta do.”

Thor was sitting in the back, almost too big to fit. He was flipping his hammer through his fingers with a dark expression on his face. Steve was waiting in the passenger’s seat, and Clint could see his impatience, as well as he hid it. Vision was hunched over besides Thor.

“Well, good luck to you guys, I cannot believe you chose me for guard duty.”

Clint looked up at Tony hovering two inches above the ground “Thanks for offering to protect them.” He said with absolute sincerity. “I wouldn’t… they’re my family, you know?”

Tony’s metal head turned to him for a moment before nodding “Yeah.” Tony said, “Yeah I know.”

They boarded, Nat sitting in the driver’s seat.

The drive was long, and they turned up near an abandoned warehouse. Clint was gonna sneak in through the back, with Nat covering him. If anything went wrong, Thor and the others would be their distraction.

Things didn’t end up going according to plan.

Clint found their location okay – they were alive, but HYDRA had already started experimentation

“Those sons of-”

Natasha nudged him. It was gentle, but he felt it against the small of his back “Clint, focus.”

He nodded.

They were only a floor away, when a guard they didn’t spot sounded a blaring alarm. Natasha sounded theirs’s and, in a few minutes, there was a telltale crack of lightning. Clint shot two men through the head, before launching an explosion at their reinforcements. Two of them went down, and Nat shocked the other two. They ran down the hall, before leaping down the circular stairwell and landing in a group of thirty or so thugs.

“Nat, call in reinforcements!” Clint yells, while stabbing the man near him with the sharp edge of his bow. He grabbed his blade, before shoving into one of their stomachs.

“On it!” A big blinking red light launched into the air, where it opened up and exploded. Not a few seconds later, blue streaks of lightning crashed into the twenty men surrounding them, with a single orange beam killing the man Natasha was struggling with.

Clint cleared the way and ran down into a small chamber. He saw Wanda first, hooked up to an IV, unconscious. Vision flew down before crouching over her, and he removed the needles methodically, before bandaging the wounds left behind. There was a curtain, and when Clint moved it aside, he saw Loki there, strapped up. Thor shoved him aside, before reaching for Loki.

“Calm down Thor!” Clint yelled as he took out a med kit. He took out the needles, before pressing bandages on Loki. He jerked around a few times, and Clint saw him gradually come to attention.

* * *

Loki felt the world spin around him as everything gradually came into clarity. He groaned, before trying to turn over, but his limbs wouldn’t _move._

“Brother!”

Loki felt a pair of arms around him, and he was jolted the tiniest bit, and the pain came searing back.

He wanted to scream, but it felt like something was in his throat, and he couldn’t, or bad things would happen, Thanos would break his fingers open or Maw would push and push and _push._

“Brother, brother, you’re here.”

Loki couldn’t think. Everything was fuzzy and painful and aching. He felt himself retching, vaguely, and his magic was flowing through his veins. It was like acid, burning him out. There was something foreign in him, and he wanted it out.

_Don’t worry Loki, don’t worry, we’re here, you’ll be alright, we just need you to hang on for a minute._

He couldn’t think.

He heard tiny pieces of speech around him, and his head hurt. It was pounding. For a second he wondered how Thanos had found him again (no cover, cover it, hide) If he had made well (Don’t think don’t think) on his promise (There will be no barren plan-)

 _You are on earth_ Clint’s voice echoed through his head. _You are on the planet Earth, in a small hideout in Missouri, smack dab in the center of Eagleville. I need you to relax, alright? Your magic’s going crazy, and we need to get you outta here. We’re going back to the farm right after this, I promise you, I just need you to breathe._

Loki listened. Loki breathed.

_Good job. I swear this’ll be done soon._

Vaguely he felt himself being carried, head against someone’s arm. He heard the sounds of bullets somewhere, an enraged roar, and then the faint brushes of familiar magics. He felt himself cradled, like a doll, before he fell back into a black, inky pit.

* * *

When he woke up, Thor was hovering above him.

He jerked upwards, but he wouldn’t move, and he was twitching, just a tad. Arms wrapped around his midsection, and he was brought slowly down to the bed.

“Brother, it’s alright, just rest for a bit. Lay down.”

Thor was above him. _Thor_ was above him _._

Oh Norns no.

Loki allowed himself to fall backwards. Thor was still hovering over him, one hand flipping Mjolnir around his fingers, the other on his shoulder. Loki put his hand on his head, half to hold his pounding headache and half to do something with his hand, so he wouldn’t just be still.

_Did you have to bring him?_

_Loki, I was going to bring anyone I could. You and Wanda were kidnapped._

_You should have told me!_

_I did._ Clint said. _You said that it’d be fine._

 _I don’t-_ Loki faltered. There were memories, but they were… disjointed. Scattered. Painful and wavering and agonizing.

_It’s fine Loki. He’s not – he’s not going to do anything._

_You would have brought him even if I hadn’t._

_I was afraid you might be dead._ There was a blunt seriousness in Clint’s tone, and a sharpness behind that. _I was going to take any help I could get. You were so close Loki. We were dangerously close to losing you._

 Loki wanted to cringe. The mortals had gotten him.

_You were taken by surprise. Don’t stress over it, all that matters is that you’re back home._

Thor wouldn’t stop looking a him.

“What?”

He sat down and grabbed his hands “I thought you were dead.”

Loki scoffed “You thought a few mortals would have killed me? Give me some credit.”

His eyes flashed, and Loki felt him stiffen. “Don’t. Please. Not now.”

There was silence for a few moments. Loki could hear the beep of the monitor as it monitors his heartbeat – slower than Wanda’s, by a fair bit. Loki curled into himself.

“If you are talking about the incident with the dark elves, I–“ Loki felt himself break off, and he gathered himself, he wasn’t weak, he wasn’t fragile. He itched the palm of his hand. “I wouldn’t have gone back. You couldn’t have really expected anything different.”

“And you couldn’t tell me? Not even let me know that you were alive?”

Loki felt ire run through his veins “How, exactly, would you like me to do that? You would have hunted me down – you wouldn’t have stopped.” Loki was so tired of running.

“And look what happened! You nearly died -”

Loki hoisted himself back up on his hands for a second “I am capable of handling myself Thor! I do not need, nor want -”

“Mother and Father mourned you, we thought you were dead, Loki.”

“Oh, did he?” Loki hissed “Liar.” He allowed himself to settle back down, to see the rage and – was that weariness? – on Thor’s face.

“I’m not lying!” Thor screamed, “Don’t slander our father-“

“He’s not my father!” Loki shouted. “He lied to me, again and again and again, for a thousand years, because he didn’t want to have to face the truth. He didn’t care about what... how…” He sputtered for a moment, before continuing, “He didn’t care, Thor, so why should I now?”

Loki let that sit in the air. Thor was panting, and Loki knew if it came to fisticuffs, he wouldn’t stand a chance. Thor looked at him again, a look of intense longing on his face.

“Loki, Loki please, come home.”

“I told you Thor, I refuse to be forgotten in a cell.”

Thor paused. “Clint told me about Thanos.”

Loki froze. _You did what._

_He saw the scars and wanted to know why. Thought they were too old._

_And you told him?_

_He told me that he was duty bound to keep you locked up. I had to tell him._

_I would have preferred to be locked up!_

_Would you have really? Would you have rather preserved your pride and never seen the day of light again?_

_I would have escaped!_

_You nearly died the last time!_

“Loki! Loki!” Loki blinked.

“What.” He snapped. Thor looked almost concerned

“Your eyes… you weren’t there for a moment.” He said, almost delicately. Loki bristled at the question in his words.

“That’s none of your business.”

He was standing up now, and about to slam his arms onto the bed. “Stop being so difficult.”

Loki hissed “That’s always my role isn’t it? The trickster, the spare, the difficult one.”

Thor raised his arms, before slumping back into his chair. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Wasn’t it?” Loki hissed “Then why’d you say it?”

“Loki I- “Thor stopped, before breathing in once “That’s not the point. Why didn’t you tell us?”

Loki feels something in his chest twist “Oh,” he said, voice soft and quiet, slithering. “You would have believed me? You wouldn’t have thought that I was up to one of my tricks?”

Thor paused “But you didn’t even try.”

Loki let himself stretch. He refused to look like some sort of cowering child “Let us say that I wanted to, when would I have told you? When you put the muzzle on me? When Odin asked, in the middle of the Great Hall? I refuse to beg for the same privileges that a common criminal would have, Thor, for the privilege of being able to say the truth. If you wouldn’t give it, then so be it.”

Thor towered. “What about mother?”

“What about mother?” Loki countered.

“Our mother deserved to know! What did she do that was so… so… abhorrent to you? She loved, you she wept for you, she cried for you. She grieved, you caused out mother grief for days and days and days on end just because you wanted… what? To preserve your pride?”

“So, what if I did!” Loki said. “If I wished it, I could. I can Thor, and there’s nothing you could do, could you? And that’s what bothers you the most, that you didn’t have control, that for a time, you were lied to and deceived about something that mattered-“

“ _No,_ what bothered me was thinking that you were _dead!_ ” He roared. “You keep deceiving us again and again and again, and we can’t take this, Loki. You cause so much devastation that you just leave behind, strewn around in your wake, and you don’t care about what the rest of have or want, or think!” He was standing up, hands clutched around the steel bar of the bed and he and Loki startled when the bar gave it and crunched underneath his hand.

Norns.

Loki didn’t know how to handle this; he didn’t know what to do, he wanted to scream his lungs out at Thor but at the same time there was a look on his face, like he'd been punched in the chest, and it steals Loki's breath away. He feels his pulse deepen instead of calm, and his palms suddenly go sweaty. His brother took a breath, before gently pulling his hand off the bar. He stared down at his hand instead of looking at Loki’s eyes. A look of almost grief flashes on his face, and his voice is a hair heavier than Loki would expect. “Loki, come _home_.” Thor seemed to be pulling himself together rapidly. “Brother. _Please_ ”

“Thor.” Loki felt exhausted. Part of him wanted to, wanted to fall back in line. But so much of him was so angry, and then he didn’t want to leave, didn’t want to lose Clint and Laura and Lila and Cooper and Wanda and Nathaniel. He didn’t know how to put that into words, and he felt them all pile up on his tongue, for the first time utterly speechless. He takes a breath, and Thor looks up at him, hopefully, and it hits him for a second how much he does miss Thor, but the anger swells alongside it at well, and he doesn’t want to, dammit.

He doesn’t want to go back to pretending and hiding and twisting himself to fit.

“Brother I am” Loki stopped, and dithered, waiting for the right word “happy here. Content. I can just… be. For the first time in so long.”

Thor flinched for the first time and Loki wondered why that didn’t feel like more of a victory “Will you never come back?”

Loki scratched the palm of his hand. He thought for a second, of returning to Asgard and it felt almost like choking, but at the same time, so much like home. Like a warm snake, looping round and round his neck until he fell, dead. “Maybe. But I have no plans in the immediate future.” Loki breathed that out, and laid back, and closed his eyes “Ask me again in a few decades.” A feeling of almost relief passed through his lungs, a wild burst of something freeing.

 They sat together, quietly, for a few minutes, with the familiar sound of Mjonir flipping through Thor’s fingers and their breathing. Loki was almost startled when Thor’s booming voice slipped into the air “Well then.” Thor said, standing up “I’ll tell father and mother everything. Hopefully, they choose to lift your punishment.”

“Hopefully.” Loki easily agreed, looking at him.

Thor paused. "I'm visiting you. You know that? I have things I want to tell you - things left unsaid between the two of us."

Loki sighed, he supposed it was too much to hope that he.. wouldn't. "Very well." He said. "If you must, Thor."

Thor's lips quirk upwards, almost surprised. He turned away and walked out to the door, before a bright blue beam caught him. Loki wondered when he’d see him next.

* * *

“I want you to explain this to me. Why on earth you possibly thought this was anything approaching a good idea.”

Tony had his arms crossed against his chest and Vision was back in his turtleneck. Sam and Rhodey were hovering behind them, and Rhodey was looking slightly offended.

Clint shrugged his shoulders. “What else is there to tell you?”

“You say that someone sent him – who did?” Vision interrupted. Tony swung to Vision, before his eyes darted back to Clint. He was looking at Clint dead on, eyes focused, and he shouldn’t have been. There was something wrong here, something he wasn’t getting.

“I don’t know too much about it.” Clint says carefully. “Part of it’s that I didn’t want to ask, it’s kinda personal.”

“Is it really?” Vision asks. “If there is something – some force, that could take Loki, hold him for a time, and then keep him in a state of fear, and if that force is gunning for earth, that is… something of note.”

Clint wants to wince, but he gets it really does, its been a thought that been turning around in his head. “Thanos. I don’t know what he wants, but…”

"Thanos - what does he look like?" Clint sees Tony's razor sharp focus and he remembers, remembers the way he spoke before he created Ultron, terrified and shaking, and vulnerable to anything. \clint wants to say everything, but at the same time, Ultron.

“Back on topic.” Rhodey cuts him off. “Loki. You are sure that he’s… safe?”

“As safe as I can be sure about anyone with his power levels.” Clint says. “I knew him for a year before he came to the farm, and he was a lot better, even in that period of time.”

“Ad you don’t think that he deserves… anything?” Tony asks, his voice going shrill. “He killed people, would’ve taken over the world, had he been successful, and you think that he deserves-”

“It’s not about deserving.” Clint stated firmly. “Even if it wasn’t for the sceptre and his time with Thanos,” Clint wasn’t lying, necessarily, and this was important, “there are… people are allowed to grow. It’s fair for him to go to jail, but the world isn’t fair, and anyway, if he has to be free, I’d rather rehabilitation than whatever else you’d prefer.”

Sam had looked up when Clint had mentioned Thanos – so he knew what Steve and Nat did. Interesting. “So, what are you planning if he turned on you? I mean, you’re good Barton, no offence, but, well.”

“I’m not take-Loki-out-on-my-own good.” Clint smiled. “Don’t worry, I do have contingencies, but you won’t mind if I don’t share em with you. Gotta keep em private to make sure they work.”

Rhodey gave him a bit of a stare, and Clint gave him a smile back. His eyes narrowed further. Clint didn’t move a muscle.

“Well!” Tony said, clapping his hands. “I am still profoundly uncomfortable with this, but I don’t think you’ll change your mind. Alrighty then.”

* * *

Clint went back to the bunker.

They were staying here for a few nights before they could find a new place to go. He was happy that it was the kid's summer break at least, it made the move an easier one, if still phenomenally  chaotic.

"Get into bed." Laura was stretched out and had her tired eyes focused on him.

"Right away Ma'am." He changed quickly and tucked himself next to her. They laid there, arms around each other, tight. They can't let go, and it takes Clint too long to realize why.

"They made it back." She murmured. "They both did." He smiles at her relief, and the finger trailing over his. They somehow move closer, her hands tighening on his shirt. He lets out a laugh, stress flowing out with it, and it's shaky but she returns it, and they're both crying by the end of it.

"Yeah." Clint says. "Yeah."

She wipes her tears away on his shirt. They stay like that, pressed closely against each other, for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I UPDATED!  
> ANYWAYS I wrote another piece to accompany this story - it isn't a necessary read, but its very Wanda-centric and it fleshes out a part of the story that I really love, so if that's your thing, check it out.  
> Factually speaking, that is a really bad code, since anyone who knows the situation can put the pieces together soon enough. However, I was far too lazy to think of a decent code, sooooooo.  
> Anyways, when Clint’s actually on a picnic, he has a note that says that he’s visiting Laura’s family, and if he’s visiting Laura’s family, he leaves a note saying that they’ve gone to Missouri, and on the off chance that he’s actually gone to Missouri he leaves a note jokingly saying he was kidnapped.  
> Thor and Loki talking was so hard to write, cause like every time Thor made some headway – and headway at all – Loki would be like no. Absolutely not. Which… I mean, is totally in character, but a headache to try and form any sort of accord with. I still feel like its a little OOC but I wanted to put something out, so here you are.  
> Anyways! The big reveal. Hopefully I managed it alright? Half of the reason this takes place after AOU is because while I have the bare bones of Tony Nat and Steve, I have trouble writing Bruce, so um, yeah. To Sakaar you go!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki sees his family again, and it is exactly as stressful as he was imagining. And at the same time, it isn't.

Clint heard three sharp raps on the door to the bunker. He frowned. No one was supposed to be coming today. Grabbing his bow, he snuck over to the door and peered out through the window. Looking outside, he saw a blonde woman standing there, hands folded over each other. He clothes were simple, but her hair was spun into braids and rolls and curls.

Clint looked at her carefully. He recognized her, but from where…

Contemplating her, he opened the door. She looked at him, slight anxiety behind her smile “Hello. You are Clint Barton, correct?”

Clint side eyed her and kept one hand on his bow. There was something here – something that reminded him of Loki. The almost off-key buzzing, the feeling of hooks just beneath his skin – and it was strong. “Yes.”

“Is my son available right now?”

Clint blinked. Oh. She was – oh. It made, sense, then, the faint recollection, and she burst across his memory, her face against the gold cell.

“He’s asleep. Recovering. I don’t know when he’ll wake up.” There was the tiniest slump of her shoulders and she looked slightly upset, before the line of her lips straightened out again.

“Can I look at him?” Frigga’s eyes were warm, and Clint couldn’t help opening the door and letting her in.

“I’ll show you were he is.”

The walked down into the basement, and passed Wanda, still limp and out of it. They stopped right in front of the second bed, with Loki fast asleep. Frigga reached her hand out, and Clint saw the same golden magic that Loki sometimes had reach out to cover him. Clint didn’t know what exactly, but something was happening. The magic was settling on him and it seeped through.

Clint had no idea what he was seeing.

 _Trust her_ some small voice in the back of his mind said, and it felt like a years hones instinct except he knew the instinct wasn’t his, and he shook his head “What are you doing?”

Frigga gave him a puzzled look, before she cupped her hands on the side of the bed. Clint saw a disgusting mass of liquids seep out, blues and pinks and yellows. He grabbed a bowl nearby, and she nodded before it poured out, golden and green threads in the bowl alongside it. Loki jerked every few seconds, as the chemicals were pulled from his body, frame shaking.

Eventually, he twitched a few times. Clint held his breath and he barely noticed Frigga next to him, doing the same. Her jerked, before his eyes flew open, panic and shock mixed together, hands rising with bright green threads hanging off them.

* * *

Loki’s eyes fluttered, before he jerked upwards. Every instinct of his screamed for him to run, but then there was a hand on his shoulder, and another on his hands, and he trusted – but that could be the trap, couldn’t it? Loki felt everything sharpen, suddenly, and he gasped, before he saw Clint and the woman besides him.

“Mo-” He stopped himself. Frigga didn’t and cupped her hand around his head. Loki flinched backwards into the bed and he saw something twist on her expression, before it straightened out again.

“You’re alive.” She murmured “I purged the vile liquids from your body.”

 “Ah.” He said, before his eyes darted to Clint’s. He licked his lips before looking back at her “I suppose Thor spoke to you?”

Frigga walked over to the sink and poured out the bowl, before settling in the chair next to Loki. “Yes”

Loki was tense, wound up, almost painfully tight “What precisely did he say?”

Frigga looked down to him “Everything, I suppose. He mentioned Thanos, if that is what you are worried about.”

Loki’s eyes skittered away “You.” He didn’t know what to say. He felt his eyes skim over the room, before they alighted on Wanda. He felt realization hit him, and her looked to Clint “Did you get everything out of her?”

Clint was sitting back on the chair “We’re trying.” He said “It’s slow.”

He looked over to Wanda, almost tiny-looking, strewn out over the hospital bed. He ignored his mother and tried to rise out of the seat before pain jolted through his whole system. A cry left his throat as his back his the cushion and that movement in and of itself made his belly writhe.

“Don’t.” His mother tried to guide him back down, and Clint paced above him “Let me. Save your strength.”

Loki wanted to scream at her, that he wanted nothing from her, to stop acting like there was anything she could give him that would soothe anything, but he held his tongue and swallowed his words down. Wanda needed help, and he was unfortunately exhausted. He shut up and laid back. He saw Frigga sort through Wanda, he saw something seep out of her.

He hoped that everyone involved had died horrible gruesome deaths. Wanda was – she was almost unimaginable strong in some ways and ridiculously weak. Not like Thor, who was both an unstoppable force and an immovable object, or Odin who was shifting, like sand on a beach, and all the stronger for it. Or Frigga (mother) who was a willow tree, bending, unbreakable.

His mother who sat next to him after the chore was done. The sat, hand in hand, and he breathed.

“Loki.” Her voice was her’s in so many unique ways. “I am so glad to see you alive.”

Loki held his breath. He remembers the days after the Kursed – the days when he thought she was dead, never to wake.

“I am glad to see that you are well, also.”

Frigga gave him a smile, before pressing a small kiss on his forehead.

“I was told that you wished to never return to Asgard. May I visit here?”

Loki felt his spine straighten, and his body go tense. He didn’t know why – this was Frigga. She was always – she was good. Not Odin – she was constant, and good.

And she’d lied to him.

He hadn’t asked her in the time when he’d been stuck in Asgard – it rankled, to have to request why she’d kept the secret that had blown everything apart. He wanted to know but he didn’t want to ask – because it didn’t matter, not really, but he cared so much anyways. It didn’t matter – the secret didn’t mean anything and he’d never had a mother to betray – but still, it ached.

He opens his mouth, and he can’t help the words that spill out.

“Why did you never tell me?” Frigga’s small smile faded. She straightened her spine and her expression became impossible gentle.

“When you were young, we feared that you would tell the wrong people – that you would be put at risk because you were too young to understand how critical it was to keep it a secret.” Her voice is musing, far away, and Loki feels a sense of powerful longing for a time long past before crushing it. “If the people found out – we would have been forced to lose you Loki-”

“You were the King and Queen of Asgard.” Loki interrupted, grounding them both back into this bunker. They were so far away from Asgard. “No one could do anything to you. You are, quite possibly the most powerful people in the Nine.”

Frigga readjusted her skirts, her eyes still fixed on that far away reality. “We feared, well, assassination.”

“Don’t tell me that!” Loki said. Wanda shifted on the bed and he brought his volume down. “I have not been a babe for all the past thousand years, _Your Majesty_.” She stiffens, and Loki feels the edge of a flash of satisfaction, because she deserves it, she lied to him again and again and again. And then guilt pours in amid the cracks, and Loki feels like he’s pushed against a wall, trapped between two extremes, and he knows he’s never going to escape.

“Loki. I never wished – we never wished to hurt you. That was why we never told you – because you are our son, and we did not want to see you in pain.”

“But it did.” He doesn’t shout, but it is a near thing. His voice is a low hiss instead, and it carves through whatever she thinks she is trying to tell him. “It did. You did. You knew that you’d have to reckon with it someday, and yet you did nothing to make the blow a softer one, did nothing to allow me to see some of them pieces, preferring to leave me blindsided and questioning everything!”

Loki panted. He saw Clint slip out of the room and there is a rising feeling in him, of something screaming traitor. He took a breath, before folding his hands over each other and moving his eyes to his mother’s. She sat, regal still even amid the metal of the safehouse, and for a second, Loki feels satisfied. Then her expression flashes with the tiniest bit of hurt, and his stomach sinks. He wants to bury his face in his hands, he wants her to go away, he wants everything to go back to the way it was before but that feels like a snake strangling him slowly.

“I know.” Her voice is simple, sober. “And Loki, I am so sorry for that.”

The line reverberates around his head, and he almost flinches back into the bed. He keeps his spine straight anyways, and looks her dead in the eye.

“And what if I don’t accept your apology?”

“I can’t make you.” Her voice is almost perfectly serene, but Loki can hear a crack, a flaw, and she sounds genuinely distressed, and he almost turns his face away again. “I can only wish you would.”

Loki feels his finger in the center of his palm right under the blanket.  He scratches for a second, before stilling his hands and letting the silence permeate the air. Moments pass, the tension stifling, but Frigga does nothing but watch him, eyes fixed on his face, looking for something. He allows his eyes to close for a second, her face hidden from him, and he says awkwardly “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

A facsimile of a smile plays across his lips. “Is everything not an apt answer?”

“Loki.”

He feels his eyes snap open and allows them to wander away from her. “The mourning – the attack on Midgard before, for worrying you. For injuring Thor.” He thinks that’s everything – but he might be missing something.

He sees her in the corner of his eye, sees her shoulders lightly loosen and her hands uncross. “Thank you.”

“Why, you’re welcome.” He almost mocks, and he sees her exasperation, but also the smile playing on her lips. She moves forward, then, and squeezes his hands.

“I must get back to Asgard.” Her voice takes on a bit of a harried quality, the rush evident. “I hope you will not mind?”

“No, of course not, you must return to your duties.” He intends it to be cutting but it doesn’t quite come out that way, and she stands abruptly, odd against her traditional flowing grace.

She presses a gentle hand to his cheek, and quietly murmurs “Will you permit me to visit you again?”

And Loki is torn, again. Torn in two, because he wants to see her, but so badly wants to never ever have to say what he said ever again, wants to not be flayed for the truth yet wishes for a relationship lost in wave of time. He doesn’t have an answer, not a clear one, so he settles on “Perhaps.” She gives him another small smile before turning and heading out the door, her steps reverberating against the steel floor.

* * *

Thor’s visit is far less sedate, not in small part because Loki can actually stand. The children were fascinated with him, his hammer and his lightning and his…

Loki kept to the bedroom Clint had given him. He and Wanda were sharing – when she recovered, at least. After he could stand, he’d spent far too much time at her sickbed, but when she showed no sign of recovery beyond simply waking, she’d encourages him to see the rest of the house. It was a disquieting banality by now, something that sent a shock through his system every time he thought of it. The mortal doctor who checked up on her every now and again told them she was improving, but he couldn’t see it himself.

It isn’t surprising, necessarily, when Thor visits. Loki still feels… wrong-footed around him, unsure of what to do. He almost startles when he hears his voice echoing through the door, even after he heard his footsteps against the wood outside.

“May I come in?” His voice is jaunty, yes, but there is an edge of hesitation Loki hadn’t heard from him in a very long time. Loki swallows before heading to the door. It isn’t hard to open it, but placing his hand on the door knob makes something bubble and boil in him, mixing with a startling quickness. He takes a deep breath, wills it all away before seeing his brother.

“Loki!” He moves to hug him but Loki takes half a step back and they freeze. It is an awkward tableau, only broken by Lila stumbling through the hall. She almost trips against Thor, and then she tilts her head at the both of them.

“What are you doing?” Her voice was curious, inquiring, and Loki takes a step to collect himself.

“Nothing.” He smiles a warm smile at her, but it must not come out properly from the look on her and Thor’s face. “Go play with your brother.”

She nods quickly, before running off in the other direction. Loki looks back at Thor, and he looks at him and he turns around before heading in.

“Coming?”

He pattering in behind him, and Loki wished for a moment that there was somewhere to sit instead of just the bed. The room was rather sparse for now, since Loki thought that once Clint and Laura set up a new home, they’d all be leaving. In hindsight, that was likely an error.

He ended up giving the bed to Thor and just hovering.

“How had it been for you?”

“Good.” He said shortly. Curtly.

Thor tilted his head just a tad. “I suspect you are upset with me?”

‘Oh, of course not. What cause could I have to be so?”

Thor hovered for a second before saying. “Nothing.”

“You’re nervous. Deathly so”

“No. I just… I realize –“ He spends what seems like an hour stammering, trying to find the right words, and Loki wants to crawl out of his skin, he really does. “I missed a lot didn’t I?”

“I have no clue what you mean, Thor.”

“You were angry with me. On the Bifrost. And then on Midgard.”

Loki gives him a flat stare. “Did you just notice?”

Thor rolled his eyes. “Stop being so evasive, please.”

“I don’t know what you want to hear Thor. I don’t know what you’re asking.”

“Have you been angry with me for all this time?”

Loki paused. “Did you at least bring something to do?”

“Answer the question.”

“I am serious. I have a deck of cards. We’ll play those.”

“Loki for the love of the Norns-” Loki puts up one finger and shoves it against Thor’s face, and his bewildered expression is something he wishes he could capture and frame.

“Hush Thor. Give me just a moment.” He shuffles through the cards and he can feel Thor looking around the room, but Loki didn’t know for what.

“What are we playing?”

Loki pauses for a moment, and there is a thrill of vindication when he says “Cheat.”

“And how do you play?”

“It’s rather simple, really. What happens is, we have to place face down a sequence from ace to king. The order is ace, two all the way to ten, and then jack, queen, king. You must announce the card you place down – the card in the sequence.”

“What if you don’t have a necessary card?”

“Then you place down whatever card you have, and lie about the card you place down. If the other person says cheat, and the card wasn’t what you said it was, you have to pick up the whole deck. Conversely, if it is, then the person who said cheat has to pick up the deck.”

Thor narrowed his eyes at him. “Is this some sort of petty revenge, or…”

“I have absolutely no clue what you’re talking about.” Loki smiled sharply.

Thor looked almost frustrated for a moment, before a sort of half smile bloomed across his face. “Very well. I shall best you!”

“Sure.” Loki replied. “Good luck.”

Thor gave him a smile before Loki laid down the first card. “Ace.”

“Two.”

“Three.”

“Four.”

“Five.”

“Six.”

They rotated once through the deck, placing cards down, before rotating through again. Loki watched him closely, eyes fixed on his brother’s face. He’d played this game with Natasha once, and it… had not gone well. Loki squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, before turning his face back up.

“Ace.”

“Two.” His brother’s lips twitch down for just a second, and Loki lips twitch upwards.

“Cheat.” He went to flip the top card over, and a queen was revealed.

Thor collected all the cards. “This seems like a game better played with more people.”

“Yes.” Loki agreed, “Usually the children play too, or Wanda and Natasha.”

“I imagine she’s good at the game.” He was trying to sort through all the cards, but Loki saw the exact moment he gave up.

“She is a difficult opponent to beat.” Loki agreed.

Thor suddenly took a breath. “You’re distracting me.”

“What from?” Loki place both cards down and announced the three.  He turns his gaze to Thor, but he doesn’t put down a card.

“My question. I said that you have been… unsatisfied. For quite sometime. How long?”

“Does it matter?”

Thor had his stare fixed on Loki and he wished so badly that Thor would take his turn so that he could pry open maybe a millimeter of distance. “To me it does.”

“Are you sure you want me to peel open your failures, where I think you’ve wronged me? Because I promise, it won’t be pleasant. Nor kind.”

“I know. Trust me, I know your tongue well enough to figure that out.” Thor has a slightly feeble smile, and

“Very well.” Loki tries to keep his head on his shoulders, ensures he doesn’t go flying off his self control, carefully keeping himself held upright. “It wasn’t anything grand, wasn’t something that was dramatic and singular in my memory, you realize.”

“But rather?”

“Papercuts, as the saying goes.” Loki scratches the palm of his hands. “It was small things, overall. Like forgetting me on Alfhiem after we had the meeting with the grand chancellor. Or leaving with Sif and Fandral when you’d promised that you’d help me out in a project.” It feels trivial when he said it out loud, but then he also remembered Odin and that was… unfair. To Thor.

Thor was silent for a moment. “I’m sorry,” he starts, “but-”

“You don’t remember. You wouldn’t. It wasn’t significant to you. That hurt more, I think, when it was normal, when it became expected.” Loki turned back down to his cards. “Your move.”

Thor looked down at his cards, before placing one down and saying “Four.” They went back and forth for a bit, and Loki felt a kind of jittery tension enter his veins, making his limbs quiver and his leg tap rhythmically against the floor.

“I’m sorry for asking this?” Thor said softly, voice hesitant and stuttering, “But would you ever come back?” Loki’s head snapped up, and he pursed his lips for a moment.

“Ten.”

“Loki-”

“Ten.”

“Alright.” He placed down the next card with an almost grudging feel, and it was viscerally insulting what he was doing. Trying to placate him, manage him, and Loki let his face go blank. He saw Thor’s posture shift, just the tiniest bit, and he felt a well of satisfaction rise in him, that he feels guilty for once for what he’s done. He keeps his face blank and puts down his next card.

“Jack.”

“Queen.” Thor looked like he was thinking and Loki only just held his tongue.

“King.” He said, placing down his last card. Thor looked at the card before moving the stack aside and placing his deck down.

“Brother,” Thor started, almost shuffling on the bed, “Is there any way to fix this? Please?”

And that makes Loki feel like he’s been stabbed in the chest. “No. Thor… No. You want to go back, but I can’t.” He feels

“But you won’t.” He tried to correct, heat rising in his voice. “You will not. You can, but you don’t because for some reason you think that – I don’t know, maybe you just don’t want to.”

“Even if I just don’t want to, I am not obliged Odinson, to go parade around in your family again, pretending when every single person knows it is otherwise - ”

“Is that the only reason you were in Asgard? Out of obligation?” Thor fisted his hands in the blanket and Loki took out a knife and hid it under his arm, almost out of instinct “Why on earth do you want to think that we don’t think you as one of us? You are the only one making a deal out of your blood, you are the only one who cares, the rest of us know it doesn’t matter - ”

“Then why do you treat me as though it does? Even before I learned of this,” Loki lets part of the glamour fall, lets the back of is forearm show the dreaded, dreaded blue, “Even before either one of us knew of this, I was cut apart as separated from you lot for the most idiotic of reasons-”

“You cut yourself apart, you mean! You didn’t have to refuse to go out with us, you didn’t have to spend al your time in the library of all Norns be damned places, you didn’t have to pursue sorcery jus to be angry that the rest of us didn’t follow!”

“I didn’t want you to follow me, I never wanted you to!” Loki feels his throat grow hoarse and he realizes he’s been screaming. Screaming.

Dammit.

Thor opened his mouth to say something, Loki was sure, but before he could start, Loki puts up a hand to stop him, and by some miracle, he actually does.

“Forget it.” He says, exhausted, and Thor deflates like a balloon. “You’re not going to change, and I’m certainly not going to. All of this – I don’t even know why you want what you do.”

“Because you are my brother.” And there was Thor again, an unmovable object and an unstoppable force, impossible to be cleaved from. “And I love you. And I don’t want to lose you, not again.”

“It really is that simple for you, isn’t it?”

“I’m sorry it isn’t for you.”

“It shouldn’t be. Not for you either.”

“Well, I’ve tried to learn the value in forgiving grudges.” His eyes almost turned away for a moment, and Loki felt the half flinch.

“And your saying I haven’t.” Loki could choose to be offended, but the protest is more… expected. He should be angry, so therefore he is angry.

“Stop twisting everything I say, Loki.” He sounded for a second as tired – as worn down as Loki felt, and Loki knew he wasn’t lying – Thor was too poor at it to be this proficient – but. But.

And then the shame comes. It seems to always be that way after everything had broken, calm then rage then guilt, a cycle that wouldn’t dare break.

“I am sorry.” Loki says haltingly. “For that.”

Thor’s eyes narrow. “You are?”

“No need to sound judgmental.” And it was meant to come out just a little bit angry, but Loki can’t help but make it playful. “Or suspect. It’s an apology, not a knife in your side.”

“I’d more expect a knife.” Thor murmured and Loki felt a laugh catch him, unaware. Thor looked at him, slightly wide eyes, and Loki wanted to turn his down.

Loki turned one hand over the other. “If you could – if you had the time. Would you like to stay for dinner?”

Thor pauses for a moment before vigorously nodding. “Yes – Father gave me the day off.”

“I do hope you visited your lady.”

“That was where I went this morning.” A small sheepish expression darts across his face, and Loki tilts his head just a tad.

“You had to gather your courage, didn’t you?”

“No need to be rude. Brat.” But it is fond instead of angry or dismissive, and Loki can’t help a half mischievous smile from darting across his face.

It isn’t much. It wasn’t even what they had Before. But it is something, something significant, something so important that it steals his breath away for a moment when keeping the relationship was something he didn’t dismiss out of hand. When there was something valuable there, something he wanted to tuck close to his chest and keep.

He places down a card and his brother's eyes dart back to the game. And when he wins, his brother shuffles the deck before handing him half the pile and they start anew. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuses. Well, I do, but they’re all awful, so I hope that you enjoy this chapter. Frigga’s characterization was the roughest thing here – she presented as the ideal mother, but we know that she’s failed her child in critical ways, but I have no clue how she’d express her own sense of shame – Frigga seems to be the type of person that has something closer to a healthy process (rather than Odin, who just covers it up) but she misses crucial points in that progress. I think? I’m still unsure if I’m not missing something crucial.   
> And Loki, despite having done a lot of really bad things, some that hurt her deeply, loves her deeply too. But he’s also angry. And there was no way this first conversation was going to be productive – it didn’t really have the potential to be anything but Loki sniping and Frigga just taking it. As much as I feel Loki’s grown (and he has at least a little) being with a relic of his past makes him act like he has to fit that role again, even though its one that’s self-defeating. The perspective only kicks in when the relationship shifts – Frigga takes a step forward in acknowledging where she was wrong, and Loki follows a little in her example.  
> Thor was so hard to wriiiiiiiiiiiite. He’s easy to write mad (most characters are easy to write mad, tbh) but the reconciliation – the feeling that there both walking on eggshells, the desire to reconnect but also the kinda desire to just. Not see each other (mostly Loki, tbh.) Thor, I also feel, really wants things to go back to normal, but they can’t, for a variety of both plot reasons and character reasons. Despite Loki’s thoughts of the opposite, they’re both really different now, and their relationship has to evolve to fit that but then you have the layers of mistrust there too.   
> Tell me if I’ve read one of them completely wrong, because its been a while and I’m still unsure.

**Author's Note:**

> Updates should be every once a week, by which I mean that is an aspirational goal that I will try to hold myself to. Try being the keyword.  
> Please comment below if you liked it!


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